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You're Not Entitled To Know Other People's Feelings

Two relationship complaints

The two worst things in a relationship are:

  • The thought of a partner leaving.  
  • The frustration of a partner not sharing their feelings.

If people are ill-equipped to manage the anxiety when a partner doesn't want to share their feelings, they resort to crowding their partner emotionally with 'Talk to me! Tell me how you feel. Share with me.''

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You're Not Entitled To Know Other People's Feelings

You're Not Entitled To Know Other People's Feelings

https://medium.com/@krisgage/were-not-entitled-to-know-our-partner-s-feelings-288eb527dc0f

medium.com

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Key Ideas

Two relationship complaints

The two worst things in a relationship are:

  • The thought of a partner leaving.  
  • The frustration of a partner not sharing their feelings.

If people are ill-equipped to manage the anxiety when a partner doesn't want to share their feelings, they resort to crowding their partner emotionally with 'Talk to me! Tell me how you feel. Share with me.''

Offering vs obligated

Offering to share with your partner is intimate.  Being bullied into sharing is undercutting the very intimacy we think we're building.

Other people's emotions are theirs, not ours. Hearing them share their feelings is a privilege, not a right.

Correcting wrong views

  • “Sharing is caring!”. But care is about love and love is about respecting your partner's personal space.
  • “Yeah but if I don’t know what’s wrong, then how can I fix it?” Our partners are not our personal projects. Our relationship isn't a game of codependency.
  • “But I just want them to share!” Yet, we are not entitled to it.
  • "But why won’t they tell me?! Why is that so hard?” Because they don't want to. They may not be ready, or maybe nothing is wrong. You can't push it.

Respecting boundaries

We can make ourselves available, we can encourage, we can invite, we can listen to people. But it is most important to respect boundaries and recognize that it’s their emotions — not ours.

When they finally do share, it’s because they wanted to.

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