The journey through suffering

Experiencing a rocky start is enough sometimes to discourage us from going any further and we convince ourselves we don't have what it takes to do a certain task.

How to outsmart it: Develop a growth mindset and try to see each failure as just an opportunity to learn.

While our identities can give us a sense of meaning and a place in the world, sometimes they can get in our way when we’re attempting new things: many of us will avoid doing anything that threatens our sense of self.

How to outsmart it: Find people like you, that are doing the things you'd like to do and share your concerns with them.

"Conflict is information, and handled well, conflict is opportunity."

Asking questions as if you don't know anything about the whole problem, and listening carefully, can ease out the worst of conflicts.

Listening also makes other people get the impression that you care.

The age-old tactic of misdirection is employed to distract us from the real issue. Companies and governments even implement it: they release bad news on Fridays or before major holidays with the hope that the weekend will distract us from focussing on the issue.  

Combining time pressure and opportunity is a potent sales tactic. Think of the Black Friday and Cyber Monday sales (time pressure) that lead us to spend more than we typically would on things (the opportunity).

It is easier to manipulate people when they feel under pressure and don't have the time to consider the facts.

As you most probably know, making sure there is balance at every level in your relationship will only strengthen your connection with your better half. Therefore, take all the necessary steps to ensure that whenever one of you has a bad day, the other one is there to cheer him or her up.

Whenever you feel like asking something to your partner, try saying it in a polite and affectionate way, avoiding reproaches while making sure that you set the direction of your relationship up for success.

• We indicate that we are feeling threatened when we take a step back or we show any sign of a closed body language.
• Crossing our arms also shows nervousness and it puts our audience in a defensive mode.
• Your end up showing that you feel superior to the rest of the room if you tilt your head backward.

Match your gestures to your words.
We are visual creatures, and any movement used in the right way in this direction will spark the attention of your audience. Just try not to abuse this rule.

Some people have a fear of being wrong. They measure success by how few mistakes they make.

Some people know what the language should sound like, where they are at currently, and how far they have to go to get there.

Speaking a language is not like those exams that many of us had to take in grade school, where a tiny grammar mistake would lose you marks.

In the real world, small errors don't matter. What matters is to make yourself understood. 

Don't focus on yourself or on your own mistakes. Focus on the other person you're talking to and the result you want to get. 

Being a leader is a little like being a parent. You have all the best intentions of how great you will be and how you will avoid the mistakes you see other people make.

But, people in a leadership role find it is not that easy; they have too much to do and not enough time; they don't properly think through their priorities; they assume that people beneath them will take care of a lot of problems.

• Think of someone you thought was a bad leader and list any of the negative behaviors they displayed.
• Ask yourself if you share any of those behaviors — score 1 for not likely to 5 for very likely: for instance, someone who kept important information away from employees, a micromanager, a vague communicator, a yeller, someone who didn't keep their word.
• After you identify your potential areas of improvement, make a plan for how you'll work on them.

... when you’re in a relationship. Think about those four horsemen of the relationships apocalypse: criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling and how often do you exhibit any of them.

Try to observe your actions and strive to understand the reasons behind them.

It helps to view your relationship as a “work of art” that you two are co-creating together, in real-time.

The work-of-art mindset can help counter that pessimistic self-narrative. Instead, you get to stop thinking about yourself and what you’re gaining or losing in your relationship, and you get to start thinking about what you have to offer.

Everyone's got a different background, everyone's got a different set of knowledge, and it's our job to explain the information in terms that they already understand.

As you start to explain, ask questions like "Is this making any sense?" And don't worry too much about whether you're telling the audience something they've already heard before. 

Focus on the bigger picture, instead of explaining in length every nitty-gritty detail, which people will find hard to absorb.

Too much information can dilute your message.

Unfinished projects contribute to clutter because we often leave them out in the open as a reminder to finish them. Push yourself to complete an unfinished project — or just call an end to it. 

The easiest way to complete a project is to abandon it and clear it away.

When we see objects settled into a particular place over time, it becomes hard to imagine where else they might go. So put your clutter into a new context. 

Once you detach things from their settled places, it’s much easier to decide what to do with them.