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Sorrow and tragedy will happen to us all - here are 3 strategies to help you cope

Hunting for the good stuff

When you go through a difficult time, you might need a reminder to be grateful.

Try to find the things you can be grateful for. Tune in to what's good in your world.

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Sorrow and tragedy will happen to us all - here are 3 strategies to help you cope

Sorrow and tragedy will happen to us all - here are 3 strategies to help you cope

https://ideas.ted.com/sorrow-and-tragedy-will-happen-to-us-all-here-are-3-strategies-to-help-you-cope/

ideas.ted.com

6

Key Ideas

The journey through suffering

The five stages of grief are described as anger, bargaining, denial, depression, and acceptance. Yet, when a tragedy strike, we already know how bad things are. What is most needed is hope.

Suffering as part of life

We live in an age where many feel that they are entitled to a perfect life. But at some stage, everyone will face a tragedy.

When tough times do come, resilient people seem to recognize that suffering is part of every human life. Understanding this stops you from feeling discriminated against when trouble comes.

Directing your attention

Resilient people typically manage to focus on the things they can change and accept the things they can't.

Don't get swallowed up by your troubles. Don't lose what you still have to what you have lost.

Hunting for the good stuff

When you go through a difficult time, you might need a reminder to be grateful.

Try to find the things you can be grateful for. Tune in to what's good in your world.

Helping or harming

Ask yourself if what you are doing is helping you or hurting you. 

Ask: “Is the way I’m thinking and acting helping me or harming me in my bid to get that promotion? To pass that exam? To recover from a heart attack?”

Not a fixed trait

Resilience is not a fixed or elusive trait that only some people have. It requires the willingness to try basic strategies.

It won't remove all the pain, but it can help to understand that it is possible to live and grieve at the same time.

SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Defensive failure

It's what occurs when we want to achieve something and we think about it constantly but we don't do it.

This happens because of a few mental blocks that are keeping us locked in this c...

“I just don’t think I can do this”

Experiencing a rocky start is enough sometimes to discourage us from going any further and we convince ourselves we don't have what it takes to do a certain task.

How to outsmart it: Develop a growth mindset and try to see each failure as just an opportunity to learn.

“People like me aren’t good at this”

While our identities can give us a sense of meaning and a place in the world, sometimes they can get in our way when we’re attempting new things: many of us will avoid doing anything that threatens our sense of self.

How to outsmart it: Find people like you, that are doing the things you'd like to do and share your concerns with them.

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Avoiding Tough Conversations

There is a natural tendency in humans to avoid tough conversations, due to the fear of conflict.

But sometimes it is necessary to have these conversations, as postponing them can make the sit...

Adar Cohen
Adar Cohen

"Conflict is information, and handled well, conflict is opportunity."

Act As If You Don't Know

Asking questions as if you don't know anything about the whole problem, and listening carefully, can ease out the worst of conflicts.

Listening also makes other people get the impression that you care.

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We get fooled regularly

People and businesses often use techniques to get us to do what they want. We go for the “buy two, get one free” offer at the drugstore, or buy the advertised special, even when it is not really...

Misdirection

The age-old tactic of misdirection is employed to distract us from the real issue. Companies and governments even implement it: they release bad news on Fridays or before major holidays with the hope that the weekend will distract us from focussing on the issue.  

Time pressure and Opportunity

Combining time pressure and opportunity is a potent sales tactic. Think of the Black Friday and Cyber Monday sales (time pressure) that lead us to spend more than we typically would on things (the opportunity).

It is easier to manipulate people when they feel under pressure and don't have the time to consider the facts.

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Manage your feelings when in a relationship

Anger and frustration can result in great harm when expressed. When you experience these feelings towards your partner, try to calm down before starting a quarrel, which would only just injure your...

A balanced relationship is a happy relationship

As you most probably know, making sure there is balance at every level in your relationship will only strengthen your connection with your better half. Therefore, take all the necessary steps to ensure that whenever one of you has a bad day, the other one is there to cheer him or her up.

Efficient communication within a relationship

Whenever you feel like asking something to your partner, try saying it in a polite and affectionate way, avoiding reproaches while making sure that you set the direction of your relationship up for success.

Misunderstanding body language

Contrary to popular belief, body language in the context of public speaking is more than hand and arm gesture.

It means adjusting the way we stand, move and smile to capture and hold the atte...

What puts an audience off
  • We indicate that we are feeling threatened when we take a step back or we show any sign of a closed body language.
  • Crossing our arms also shows nervousness and it puts our audience in a defensive mode.
  • Your end up showing that you feel superior to the rest of the room if you tilt your head backward.
Match your gestures to your message

Match your gestures to your words.
We are visual creatures, and any movement used in the right way in this direction will spark the attention of your audience. Just try not to abuse this rule.

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Language as a tool
When students are learning a new language, it is notable that some can express their thoughts beautifully with a limited vocabulary. Still, others that know the language much better struggle to m...
The struggle

Some people have a fear of being wrong. They measure success by how few mistakes they make.

Some people know what the language should sound like, where they are at currently, and how far they have to go to get there.

Where to put your focus

Speaking a language is not like those exams that many of us had to take in grade school, where a tiny grammar mistake would lose you marks.

In the real world, small errors don't matter. What matters is to make yourself understood. 

Don't focus on yourself or on your own mistakes. Focus on the other person you're talking to and the result you want to get. 

Dee Hock - Founder of Visa Credit Card

“If you look to lead, invest at least 40 percent of your time managing yourself.”

Dee Hock - Founder of Visa Credit Card
Shortcomings of leaders

Being a leader is a little like being a parent. You have all the best intentions of how great you will be and how you will avoid the mistakes you see other people make.

But, people in a leadership role find it is not that easy; they have too much to do and not enough time; they don't properly think through their priorities; they assume that people beneath them will take care of a lot of problems.

Do a "character traits check"
  • Think of someone you thought was a bad leader and list any of the negative behaviors they displayed.
  • Ask yourself if you share any of those behaviors — score 1 for not likely to 5 for very likely: for instance, someone who kept important information away from employees, a micromanager, a vague communicator, a yeller, someone who didn't keep their word.
  • After you identify your potential areas of improvement, make a plan for how you'll work on them.

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Stop entering relationships

... that you know are doomed.  We should not be pursuing every relationship that comes our way, but only those relationships that have the potential to work.

Get curious about how you act

... when you’re in a relationship. Think about those four horsemen of the relationships apocalypse: criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling and how often do you exhibit any of them.

Try to observe your actions and strive to understand the reasons behind them.

Relationship as a partnership

It helps to view your relationship as a “work of art” that you two are co-creating together, in real-time.

The work-of-art mindset can help counter that pessimistic self-narrative. Instead, you get to stop thinking about yourself and what you’re gaining or losing in your relationship, and you get to start thinking about what you have to offer.

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Take a photo

...to see clutter with fresh eyes.

A photograph helps us to see a space anew: It changes our perspective and gives us a measure of detachment that can enable us to decide what items should...

Abandon a project

Unfinished projects contribute to clutter because we often leave them out in the open as a reminder to finish them. Push yourself to complete an unfinished project — or just call an end to it. 

The easiest way to complete a project is to abandon it and clear it away.

Move your clutter out of context

When we see objects settled into a particular place over time, it becomes hard to imagine where else they might go. So put your clutter into a new context. 

Once you detach things from their settled places, it’s much easier to decide what to do with them.

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Effective And Clear Communication

The 4 principles to effectively communicate complex concepts:

  • Start off in the right place
  • Don't explain too much
  • Go for clarity over accuracy
  • Explain your motiva...
Start In The Right Place

Everyone's got a different background, everyone's got a different set of knowledge, and it's our job to explain the information in terms that they already understand.

As you start to explain, ask questions like "Is this making any sense?" And don't worry too much about whether you're telling the audience something they've already heard before. 

Don't Explain Too Much

Focus on the bigger picture, instead of explaining in length every nitty-gritty detail, which people will find hard to absorb.

Too much information can dilute your message.

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