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How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

Origins Of People Pleasing

It is related to being around people (usually our parents) who seem to have a really hard time and even be unable to accept and forgive some odd but sometimes necessary facts about their child.

To survive, we decide to be responsive to what others expect us to do and be, leaving aside what we really want.

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How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hYTPl7MkiA

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Key Ideas

The People Pleaser

It's the person that feels that most of the time there is no other option but to adjust to the expectations of others, and yet harbors a lot of hidden resentment.

This is a dangerous path: they end up confusing everyone around them by failing to express their true needs and feelings and they also build up a lot of frustration.

A Type Of Lie

People-pleasing is essentially a form of lying.

And we do it not to obtain some sort of advantage over someone, but because we deeply fear the annoyance and dissatisfaction of the people around us.

Origins Of People Pleasing

It is related to being around people (usually our parents) who seem to have a really hard time and even be unable to accept and forgive some odd but sometimes necessary facts about their child.

To survive, we decide to be responsive to what others expect us to do and be, leaving aside what we really want.

Love And Fear

We don't always lie out of fear. We may see people-pleasing as a form of love, for someone whom we perceive to be vulnerable (to keep them in a good mood or to avoid adding another burden to their life).

Stop Being a People Pleaser

  • Keep in mind that the people that now in adulthood surround you (colleagues, friends, partners) are most likely very different from the ones that influenced your anxieties during childhood.
  • Be aware of the side effects of people-pleasing: even if you have good intentions, you are in fact creating problems by not speaking up more frequently.
  • You can learn to reframe the way you deliver your messages,  especially when it comes to difficult, sensitive topics.

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Develop Awareness Of Your Behavior

People are often unaware of their people-pleasing behavior. The habit can become so ingrained that it's automatic.

It takes full commitment to stay aware with an intention to change. Write a list of all the things you would normally do in an effort to please. Take note of each time you do them and figure out how you will change it next time.

Drop the Label

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Never describe yourself as a people pleaser. Instead, describe your behavior as you make a decision to change it.

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