Learn more about communication with this collection
How to find inspiration in everyday life
How to stay motivated
How to cultivate a positive mindset
Ask: Am I missing something?
It may be hard to pinpoint the conversational goals if the speaker does not know what they are hoping to achieve. We should consider whether the conversation seems to be productive and what we may be missing.
Taking a moment before an auto reply may help to reveal a subtler, important opportunity.
Child: “I am not going to school today. I have no friends.”
Parent: “That’s a tough feeling to have. Do you feel like talking about it?”
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Establish why you are listening
You may listen to be efficient, avoid conflict, gain attention, support, or entertain.
In a conversation, consider what the goals of the conversation are and how best you can listen. For example, is the speaker seeking honest critique, an analytical reflection or an emotional connection?
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Be aware of who is the focus of attention
The way we insert ourselves into the speaker’s narrative shifts the focus of conversational attention. We may assume that interjecting our personal stories is an empathic and relationship-building move, but we should steer the conversation back to the speaker.
Colleague A: “I really nee...
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Recognize how you usually listen
Our regular listening style may interfere with our goals. We may miss valuable opportunities to understand when using an inappropriate listening style.
For example, in a time-pressured environment, we may require task-oriented or critical listening styles to make quick dec...
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Adapt the listening style to achieve conversational goals
You may find it difficult to adjust from your default listening style. Staying focused on the speaker and the goals will help you adapt to the situation's needs.
Patient: "I'm scared about this procedure."
Clinician: "Even though the complication rate is very low it's nor...
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Better listening
Few people know how to listen well. Even techniques like "active listening" can be counterproductive.
Well-intentioned responses may not meet the speakers' needs or address their concerns. For example, if a colleague says he needs a vacation and you respond with a place you recently visite...
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Four distinct listening styles
- An analytical listener aims to analyze a problem from a neutral point.
- A relational listener aims to build a connection and understand the emotions underlying message.
- A critical listener aims to judge both the content of th...
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