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We’re usually pretty judgmental about our compulsive habits. It’s a part of ourselves that we hate or a confirmation that we’re somehow bad or inadequate.
This kind of harsh judgment is a defense mechanism meant to help us get better. Beating ourselves up only makes us crave our compulsive coping mechanisms because now we feel bad about ourselves and are stressed out. Compassion is a healthy coping mechanism for stress, give it a try.
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When the compulsion to do the old habit happens, if you’re not aware of the urge, you’re likely to obey it without questioning it. It’s an imperative, without awareness.
The key is to develop awareness of the urge so that you can notice it and not think of it as an imperati...
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We don’t do unhelpful things with the intent to harm ourselves, for the most part. We do them because the unhelpful habit is meeting some need.
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Change your environment, so that you aren’t likely to do the old habit. Ask people who live and work with you to hold you accountable.
Making it hard to do the old compulsive habit is called “Creating a Moat.” Don’t let your future self, at a moment of weakness, have a...
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When we seek to change a habit that we think is embarrassing, we usually try to do it in private, so no one can see our shame. This is a mistake.
Doing it alone is very, very hard, and it also reinforces the idea that we are doing something shameful, and that we should be doing this on our...
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Blame is a defense mechanism. What we’re defending ourselves from is our own responsibility for dealing with the unpleasant experience we’ve been given.
The benefit in blame is that it allows us to avoid feeling like we’re failing ourselves, that we lack the strength and maturity to ...
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