Curbing a Compulsive Habit: A Primer

• Ask yourself if you really want to commit yourself fully to changing a habit. Sleep on it, and ask yourself again, before you half commit.It will come with difficulty, falling on your face, and a new way of seeing yourself. Is this something you want?
• If the answer is absolute yes … then commit yourself fully.
• Tell others about your commitment and ask them to hold you accountable. Promise to report to them every day or every week. Be as committed to this as you’ve been to anything in your life — your marriage, your kids, your job, your best friend.

Change your environment, so that you aren’t likely to do the old habit. Ask people who live and work with you to hold you accountable.

Making it hard to do the old compulsive habit is called “Creating a Moat.” Don’t let your future self, at a moment of weakness, have an easy time of falling back into the old habit. Make it easier to stick to the new habit, even if it’s not especially easy.

When we seek to change a habit that we think is embarrassing, we usually try to do it in private, so no one can see our shame. This is a mistake.

Doing it alone is very, very hard, and it also reinforces the idea that we are doing something shameful, and that we should be doing this on our own. It’s stronger to do it with the help of others. Using other people’s support is just a more robust approach.

When the compulsion to do the old habit happens, if you’re not aware of the urge, you’re likely to obey it without questioning it. It’s an imperative, without awareness.

The key is to develop awareness of the urge so that you can notice it and not think of it as an imperative, but rather just a sensation in the body, and perhaps a thought (“Just one time is OK!”). With this kind of awareness, you now have a choice, and can question whether this is what you really want.