Win Arguments

... without making enemies:
  • Make sure you communicate you are not there to fight (using your tone of voice, for example).
  • Avoid making statements; instead, ask questions.
  • Defend yourself with confidence, but without coming across as antagonistic.
Finley B. (@finbb) - Profile Photo

@finbb

🗣

Communication

MORE IDEAS FROM THE ARTICLE

When having arguments, avoid making statements and use questions instead. These tend to come across as less confrontational. Examples of questions:
  • Genuine questions to better understand the other position. After you receive and answer to them, state back to the other person, in your own words, their beliefs, to confirm you actually get it.
  • Questions aimed at the inconsistencies of the other part, but in a non-accusatory way.
Use the " Yes, but..." technique: find agreement and follow your agreement up by showing when you disagree.

Finding any form of agreement is crucial in winning an argument, even if your position if perfectly logical. But you have to know exactly when you agree with someone (regarding which parts of their position) and when you don't.

Trevor Noah
"I don't want to destroy you. I want to engage with you. And I think ... if you have ideas you believe in, you should be willing to engage or you should be willing to test those ideas against somebody that you don't agree with." 
  • In every argument, you are not necessarily right.
  • Adjusting your beliefs in the face of evidence does not diminish you.
  • if you did your part of trying to understand the other position and they are still wrong, this is never because they are evil, but because they are ignorant to a certain extent. 
  • Slowing things down: take a deep breath before speaking, to create a pause, to reduce the tension and to open up the other person to your position.
  • Inflections: upward inflections are good for de-escalating conflict because they show you are not there to control and command.
  • The ability to crack a joke and the ability to take a joke and laugh make you more persuasive, give the impression of being on the same side and release the tension.
When you're in the middle of an argument, frame your disagreements in the form of questions.

This gives the other person a chance to respond without feeling cornered and threatened.

When the conversation gets heated, we tend to raise our voices and talk faster. This is a dangerous path because now the ability of both sides to change their minds is close to zero. We dig even deeper into our initial positions and beliefs and no matter how good an argument is, it is not going to be received by the other side.

You can sense this happening when people rush to talk over one another.

Deepstash helps you become inspired, wiser and productive, through bite-sized ideas from the best articles, books and videos out there.

GET THE APP:

RELATED IDEAS

  1. Adjust your body language.
  2. Learn to handle friendly teasing.
  3. Tell your own embarrassing stories.
  4. Let go of managing people's opinions of you.

How To Turn Awkwardness Into Confidence

youtube.com

Adjusting your body language

When you're nervous, your body tends to tighten up, leading to short stiff movements or fidgeting. By contrast, bigger hand movements while speaking convey confidence (they make you look and even feel more confident.)

An easy way to start exercising hand movements is using the voice rule: simply move your hand in rhythm with your voice.

How To Turn Insecurity Into Confidence

youtube.com

What Is Fear?

Fear only exists to you in your mind and it is protecting you from the unknown. 

As human being, it's going to be normal to feel fear. It's going to happen for the rest of your life, but you do now want to let your fear control you. That is the choice that you get to make.

How to Overcome Fear & Self Doubt

youtube.com

❤️ Brainstash Inc.