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The Stare
We have a natural instinct to stare at someone to gather information and categorize the person as safe or dangerous.
It is valid in some situations but it can also be hurtful and antagonizing to the other person.
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Usually, when we meet or see a person, we create a first impression in our minds, almost unconsciously.
But the snap judgements, or quick conclusions our mind starts to entertain in the first instance, can be drastically wrong.
A snap judgement, or an unfair first impression can be a learning experience for the one who has made it, but it can also be a lifetime scar for the one on the receiving end, as it can stick with them.
Instead of unconsciously staring, and subsequently judging the other person, a better way is to consciously observe.
For five seconds, see the other person, without making assumptions, judgements or wrong impressions, and just observe neutrally.
Use your awareness and follow the S.T.O.P. rule: "See The Other Person."
Looking at the other person is like stopping at a four-way intersection, where we need to observe, pausing for a moment, and then go forward.
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We live in an age where many feel that they are entitled to a perfect life. But at some stage, everyone will face a tragedy.
When tough times do come, resilient people seem to recognize that suffering is part of every human life. Understanding this stops you from feeling discriminated against when trouble comes.
Secretly, you don’t want to do it; you just think you should want to do it. You value it for the wrong reasons. If you’re only coming up with extrinsic reasons for your activity or goal, you may decide that it’s not worth pursuing.
How to outsmart it: Think of your intrinsic reason — the motivation behind why you’re doing what you say you want to do — like your own personal energy source.
Your reasons for developing self-sabotaging behaviors most likely spring from an understandable and human place.
The way out of it is to have insight into who you are in a relationship. Your partner will also have a chance to get to know you, and together you can break the pattern to sabotage.