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Comparisons Lead To Problems
We all experience feelings that are difficult to handle. But between our emotion-phobic society and the debilitating uncertainty of modern times, we usually don’t know how to talk about them, much less handle them.
Left unchecked, comparison can make you miserable. Seeing people be better at something than you are can feel like a vicious uprooting. But with the right tools, you can use your envy to uncover what you value.
Here’s how to take your envy, decode it and turn it into positive action.
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Pick a Broader Baseline
If you see a friend hitting a personal milestone, it’s easy to feel you’re far behind in life. But if you think of 10 or 20 of your acquaintances, chances are a bunch will be in the same boat as you – and might even be happily sailing along.
The next time you desperately covet what someone ...
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Compare the Nitty-Gritty
Here’s a list of questions that can help you make better comparisons:
• What would a day-in-the-life look like?
• What specific pieces of that life do I want?
• What specific pieces of that life do I not want?
• What experience does this person have?
• Is this compar...
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Listen to Your Strongest Triggers
Comparison can teach you what you value when you see yourself envying someone doing something you want, even if you haven’t consciously allowed yourself to want it.
Self-awareness can help you turn your feelings into something useful, so the next time envy rears its head, ask yourself:
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Make Sure Your Envy Doesn’t Become Malicious
Benign envy motivates us to work harder to improve, while malicious envy makes us nasty.
We often feel malicious envy when we perceive scarcity. But in many cases, another person’s ability to achieve something is evidence that it’s possible for us, too.
To shift your thinking from mal...
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Compare Present You Against Past You
You may not always be exactly where you want to be, but chances are you’re not where you used to be, either. Pausing to take stock of your accomplishments – and the skills you’ve developed as a result – can help you feel proud of your progress and untangle yourself from malicious envy.
A si...
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