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How Negativity Can Kill a Relationship
Same-Sex Couples
Negativity seems to be less of a problem in same‑sex couples.
Both male and female couples tend to be more positive than heterosexual couples when dealing with conflict, both in the way that they introduced a disagreement and in the way that they responded to the criticism, and they remained more positive afterward.
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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
9
Key Ideas
Conflict mistaken for passion
Arguments and disagreements in relationships are normal, but screaming matches and every day fighting isn’t.
People who seek out conflict in their relationship for the intens...
Keeping the peace
Ignoring problems in a relationship in order to avoid conflict will only mean that the problems pile up until they can no longer be ignored – and by then, it might be too hard to fix.
Keeping score
Keeping track of the things that you do, versus the things that they do is a way to create pressure and conflict where there should only be teamwork.
Sit down together and work out a plan on things like chores or bills, and who does or pays what.
5
Key Ideas
Relationship Apocalypse
The Four Horsemen of The Relationship Apocalypse:
- Criticism: is staging the problem in a relationship as a character flaw in a partner.
- Defensiveness: res...
Building "Love Maps"
It means getting to know your partner really well, including his/her internal psychological world.
Ask questions, deep and personal ones. Get past“When will you be there?” or “Don’t forget to pick up milk.”
Show Admiration
Admiration is about the story you tell yourself about your partner.
Masters see their partners as better than they really are. Disasters see their partners as worse than they really are.
4
Key Ideas
A “power imbalance” in a relationship
Power in relationships is the ability of each person in the relationship to influence each other and direct the relationship.
Being in control makes people feel good and may place the ...
Negative relationship dynamics
- The demand-withdrawal dynamic. One partner seeks change, discussion and a resolution to issues within the relationship, while the other partner is withdrawn, and tries to avoid the issues.
- The distancer-pursuer dynamic. One person tries to achieve a certain degree of intimacy with their partner, while the other considers this affection to be "smothering."
- The fear-shame dynamic. The fear and insecurity of one partner would bring out the shame and avoidance in the other.
Positive power struggle
Not all power struggles are destructive. Some types of power struggles allow growth within the relationship and encourage a deeper understanding and respect for each other.
While it is still a struggle, by the end of it, you have reached an understanding about which lines can be crossed, which not, and how much each partner is able to compromise.