We Don't Understand Ourselves

The gap between expectation and reality is the cause for many of life’s disappointments.
We like to create detailed fantasies of how our lives are going to be. But when we expect our reality to match a fantasy but life turns out nothing like it, we feel disappointed.

"Are you the right person for me?" is the wrong question to ask, because nothing outside of ourselves can fix us or bring us happiness.
A more constructive question to ask would be "Can I accommodate your imperfections with humor and grace?"

Blaming, oversimplifying, and seeing oneself as a victim are all common traits of unhappy couples and failed marriages.

Conflicts should be approached by looking together at the problem.

Most of us don’t have adequate communication skills going into marriage. It is important to build this skill.

• In 1997, the median age for a first marriage was 27.4 for women and 29.5 for men.
• The college-educated are more likely to marry eventually. Nine out of ten wait until after they marry to have children.
• A large portion of those without college educations have a child before they marry.
• In Norway, the median age at first marriage is 39 for men and 38 for women, and weddings often take place long after a couple starts to have children.

In 2012, 57 percent of Americans believed it is alright for a couple to live together without intending to get married.

The dominance of marriage may be due to a cultural lag, where attitudes and values change more slowly than the primary material conditions.

Mark Regnerus provides some insights into the modern dating scene:

• A casual relationship is now preferred to a committed one.
• Sex is now a field for marketers to provide products and services.
• It takes considerably less time, effort and risk for one to get sexual gratification through online dating or porn.

Youngsters are now wary of a life-long relationship and consider it as an option.

• One-third of people who are in their twenties may never marry.
• The increase of freedom to romance has changed the definition of romance.

Many single women are starting to realize that they are not losing much by being single, but are gaining a lot of freedom and time to do self-care and pursue things that matter to them.

The stigma of being spotted doing something alone by others is now diminishing. 

People are traveling, eating, catching a movie, visiting the local pub, all alone and positively enjoying it.

The Negativity Effect magnifies and distorts your partner's faults, whether real or imaginary.

The partner starts to wonder why isn't there any appreciation for all the good that is being done, and why the focus is only on the one bad thing.

Relationships, especially long-term ones, don't get better with time but are kept intact by avoiding decline.

Married couples find contentment in other sources and remain satisfied with each other, and if not so, then the marriage breaks down.

Doing everything to make your life seems perfect may make you a target for resentment.

People who inspire the most trust are those who show warmth and competence. While we may be competent, warmth may be lacking. To ensure you don't inspire envy, screw up a little. It will make you seem more approachable. Embarrassing yourself makes you a lot more human.

Just asking people, "Is this a good time to talk?" increases compliance with requests.

Show that you care by doing little things, even if they're ridiculous.

One of the biggest truths you will ever come to realize is that hard work, ambition and targets give actual meaning to your life. 

Furthermore, once you have given a purpose to your work, you will most certainly see that motivation goes a long way into making someone's life more interesting to live.

Whoever believes that happiness knows no bound is in for a big surprise: happiness, like everything in this world, knows limits and very often we perceive this fact maybe just a bit too harsh. 

In order to enjoy life and to get to feel happy, as much as it is possible, one should first be able to deal with difficult situations. Therefore, maturity tends to be seen as the key to ensuring a satisfactory life.

In the Middle Age, one only needed to have reached the age for puberty in order to be able to get married.

Furthermore, the parents' approval was not even necessary. However, rules like asking for your landlord's consent or marrying only persons from the same class were given a lot of importance.

Back in the Middle Age, the consent to get married could be either verbal or physical. Sexual intercourse counted as physical consent.

On the other hand, giving your word to marry somebody or offering a gift to that person, even without having a sexual relationship, would also lead to marriage.

For most of human history, there was no time for romance. Marriages were arranged by families and were a purely economic arrangement designed to promote the survival and prosperity of both extended families.

It wasn’t until the industrial age that things began to change. They didn't have to rely so heavily on family connections any more. Consequently, the economic and political components of marriage ceased to make sense.

The economic realities of the 19th century mixed with the idea from the Enlightenment about the pursuit of happiness. The result was the Age of Romanticism.

People became economically independent and love (or emotions) became valued in society. These ideals of love have been heavily promoted and marketed during the 20th century.