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How to Get Over Someone
The Fear Of Love
Fear of Love may be due to a self-hatred, or a fear that others may know our true feelings, dissolving our ego-state, which may have been delicately carved over the years.
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Unrequited Love
Unrequited love, where the partner isn't able to obtain or 'win' the person that is the object of affection, may be a way to ensure that one doesn't face the reality of a relationship.
Real relationships have difficult, heavy demands on a person, and being in love while not being able to attain the love, insulates us from the other post-love problems.
The Fear Of Love
Fear of Love may be due to a self-hatred, or a fear that others may know our true feelings, dissolving our ego-state, which may have been delicately carved over the years.
How To Unfixate
To un-fixate from an object of one's affection, you have to tell yourself that you never really liked the person, and the qualities you liked in them, can be found in others.
By dissecting and investigating the character, you can help isolate the traits you liked, and can eventually find them in other people.
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The faulty logic
We usually consider moving into marriage in an attempt to preserve and prolong the happy romantic feelings that characterize the early stages of almost all relationships.
But in most cases, ther...
Unrealistic expectations
The gap between expectation and reality is the cause for many of life’s disappointments.
We like to create detailed fantasies of how our lives are going to be. But when we expect our reality to match a fantasy but life turns out nothing like it, we feel disappointed.
Asking the right questions
"Are you the right person for me?" is the wrong question to ask, because nothing outside of ourselves can fix us or bring us happiness.
A more constructive question to ask would be "Can I accommodate your imperfections with humor and grace?"
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Falling in love
To us, being loved in a relationship is perhaps the highest ideal. It gives our lives meaning and purpose. Being loved validates our sense of self-esteem and soothes our fears of loneliness.
Whom We Find Attractive
Our self-esteem, mental and emotional health, positive and negative life experiences, and family relations all influence whom we’re attracted to.
The Ideal Stage of Romance
There is an amount of healthy idealization that helps us fall in love.
However, if we’re depressed or have low self-esteem, we’re more likely to idealize a prospective partner and overlook signs of trouble, such as unreliability or addiction, or accept disrespectful or abusive behavior. A lack of a support system or loneliness might also blind us to potential faults.
It is far better to first deal with these concerns before entering into a relationship.
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The cultural backdrop
For most of recorded history, people got married for logical pragmatic sorts of reasons.
Since around 1750, we have been living in an era in the history of love that we can call Romanticism w...
The Romantic template
- Romanticism tells us that a long-term marriage can have all the excitement of a love affair.
- Romanticism proposed that true love must mean an end to all loneliness.
- Romanticism believed that choosing a partner should be about letting oneself be guided by feelings, rather than practical considerations.
- Romanticism believes that true love is synonymous with accepting everything about someone.
The Romantic script is delusional
It's normative points include:
- we should meet a person of extraordinary inner and outer beauty and immediately feel a special attraction to them, and they to us
- we should understand one another intuitively
- we don’t need an education in love
- we should have no secrets and spend constant time together
- we should raise a family without any loss of intensity
- our lover must be our soulmate, best friend, co-parent, co-chauffeur, accountant, household manager and spiritual guide
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