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Unrequited love, where the partner isn't able to obtain or 'win' the person that is the object of affection, may be a way to ensure that one doesn't face the reality of a relationship.
Real relationships have difficult, heavy demands on a person, and being in love while not being able to attain the love, insulates us from the other post-love problems.
To un-fixate from an object of one's affection, you have to tell yourself that you never really liked the person, and the qualities you liked in them, can be found in others.
By dissecting and investigating the character, you can help isolate the traits you liked, and can eventually find them in other people.
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The gap between expectation and reality is the cause for many of life’s disappointments.
We like to create detailed fantasies of how our lives are going to be. But when we expect our reality to match a fantasy but life turns out nothing like it, we feel disappointed.
"Are you the right person for me?" is the wrong question to ask, because nothing outside of ourselves can fix us or bring us happiness.
A more constructive question to ask would be "Can I accommodate your imperfections with humor and grace?"
When something feels bad, at least it has meaning. In depression, everything becomes a big blank void.
For most of recorded history, people got married for logical pragmatic sorts of reasons.
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It's normative points include: