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Why Falling In Love Should Be The Most Selfish Act Of Your Life

Love is selfish

We want to become a part of our partners. We want to know their thoughts, history, beliefs, the way they see the world. We want to give the people in our lives things because in doing so we are becoming a part of their lives and therefore owning a piece of their history.

All these things revolve around you as a lover. You are all that really matters in the equation.

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Why Falling In Love Should Be The Most Selfish Act Of Your Life

Why Falling In Love Should Be The Most Selfish Act Of Your Life

https://www.elitedaily.com/dating/why-falling-in-love-should-be-the-most-selfish-act-of-your-life

elitedaily.com

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Key Ideas

What it takes to love someone

We all want to share our lives with another person. The compassion, intimacy, and understanding that comes with love give life a special meaning.

To love is to want to own. We want someone whom we can never fully have, so we have him or her in every way we possibly can.

Love is selfish

We want to become a part of our partners. We want to know their thoughts, history, beliefs, the way they see the world. We want to give the people in our lives things because in doing so we are becoming a part of their lives and therefore owning a piece of their history.

All these things revolve around you as a lover. You are all that really matters in the equation.

Loving an interpretation

You love people for the way they look and act. You love them for the way you interpret that person, but your interpretations may not always be accurate and may change over time.

If you can learn to have better control of those interpretations, and the person doesn't stray too far from the outline you've created of him or her, you can happily own them until the day you die.

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Falling in love

To us, being loved in a relationship is perhaps the highest ideal. It gives our lives meaning and purpose. Being loved validates our sense of self-esteem and soothes our fears of loneliness.

Whom We Find Attractive

Our self-esteem, mental and emotional health, positive and negative life experiences, and family relations all influence whom we’re attracted to. 

The Ideal Stage of Romance

There is an amount of healthy idealization that helps us fall in love.

However, if we’re depressed or have low self-esteem, we’re more likely to idealize a prospective partner and overlook signs of trouble, such as unreliability or addiction, or accept disrespectful or abusive behavior. A lack of a support system or loneliness might also blind us to potential faults.

It is far better to first deal with these concerns before entering into a relationship.

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Jordan Peterson observed that virtues aim for balance and to avoid the extremes of the vices. Cultivating judgment about the difference between virtue and vice is the beginning of wisdom.

Modern relativism asserts judging how to live is impossible, because good and virtue are relative. Thus relativism’s version of “virtue” is “tolerance.” This leads to people broadcasting their tolerance as a form of self-promotion, and secret vice, which is also known as virtue signaling.

Order and Chaos

Order is where the people around you act according to the established social norms, remaining predictable and cooperative. Society is simultaneously structure and oppression.

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