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Big Milestones Of Life: Often Unpredictable And Uncontrollable

Because happiness is somewhat big and complex, it’s not always easy to know what will make us happy.

Many of us have been conditioned to see happiness as tied to certain big milestones in life such as finding a partner, getting a promotion, buying a house, having a child.

We tell ourselves that securing these things will complete the puzzle and give us our “happily ever after.” But the reality is, we’re not always especially good at predicting what will make us happy.

It’s also important to note that we don’t actually have a lot of control about how or when these big things happen to us.

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80 reads

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Waiting For Happiness = Unhealthy Perfectioni

See, waiting for happiness is often rooted in a kind of perfectionism, which works backwards from an imagined perfect life and measures everything else against it. Anything that falls short of that so-called perfect life is a disappointment. And since perfection is unattainable, even when you do ...

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A Mindset That Makes You Unhappy

That’s because “I’ll be happy when …” isn’t just a phrase. It’s a mindset — and that mindset keeps us waiting for happiness instead of cultivating joy in our lives right now.

Reaching a milestone can feel good, but eventually we start to look for the next milestone, and then we’re back to ...

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157 reads

Happiness Comes Always Back To Its Natural Setpoint

Research has shown that while happiness tends to spike in the wake of this kind of big life event, it tends to return to its natural set point not long after. Reaching a milestone can feel good, but eventually we start to look for the next milestone, and then we’re back to thinking “I’ll be happy...

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81 reads

Stop Putting Of Joy In The Present For Uncertain Happiness

  • We put off spending time with the people we love to put in overtime at work so we can get that raise.
  • We don’t decorate our rental apartment because we want to save every single penny for a down payment, but in the meantime we live in...

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Small Joys To Expand Our World

So often we dismiss joy because it seems like a distraction from the big happiness we’re hoping for. But even though moments of joy are small, they do something significant: They expand our world.

And whether that happiness comes sooner or later, in the meantime you’re living a full life, o...

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Think Of Waiting For Happiness As An Habit To Break

But I’ve realized that waiting for happiness is a habit, and like any other habit, we can break it. Now, when I catch myself saying some version of “I’ll be happy when …” I try to imagine myself in the future, looking back on right now.

Then I ask myself: “How will I wish I’d used this time...

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60 reads

What Is Joy?

If happiness is how we feel about our lives over time, joy is how we feel in the moment. Joy is an intense, momentary burst of positive emotion.

We can tell we’re experiencing joy because we feel it in our bodies as well as our minds. We smile and laugh, our posture opens, and we ...

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105 reads

n our pursuit of happiness, we end up postponing joy. 

INGRID FETELL LEE

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Every time we say to ourselves “I’ll be happy when …” what we’re really saying is “I can’t be happy now.”

INGRID FETELL LEE

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The habit of saying “I’ll be happy when …”

  • makes us passive and stuck
  • keeps us waiting for life to happen to us instead of creating a life we want right now.
  • keeps us wishing and searching instead of enjoying and living.

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Enjoy Present Joy = Using You Creative Mindset

Joy, on the other hand, starts where you are. Joy begins with a beautifully imperfect life and asks: How can we can make this life more vibrant, more fun, more full of the things that make us excited to wake up in the morning? It’s a creative mindset, not a comparing one.

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Lean Into The Present For Unexpected To Happen

But what I’ve learned about leaning into the present rather than waiting for the future is that something unexpected always happens.

Sometimes it’s adventure, and then you’re left with memories you never would’ve had if you’d just waited for happiness to find you. Other times, we find new ...

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What Is Happiness?

Happiness is a broad evaluation of how we feel about our lives over time. It’s synonymous with what psychologists call “subjective well-being” and encompasses a r...

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“I’ll be happy when …” is insiduous

You might have said them yourself, or you might be better acquainted with their cousins “When I get through ____________, I’ll feel better” or “If I just had ______________, life would be great.”

We say these words all the time casually, carelessly. They seem innocuous enough, just an expr...

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184 reads

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More like this

The Findings Of Happiness Research

  • People in good romantic relationships are happier than loners.
  • Healthy people are happier than those who are sick.
  • Religious people are happier than atheists.
  • Rich people are happier than the poor.
  • A new house, a new car, or even a new spouse only provide...

Hedonic Adaptation

We quickly return to a relatively stable level of happiness despite positive or negative external events. We pursue a promotion and believe it will make us happy. When we get it, we are temporarily happier, only to get back to our baseline levels the next week.

Where Does The Inverted Curve Apply?

  1. Control- The more we accept our feelings and impulses instead of controlling them, the more we’re able to direct and process them.
  2. Freedom- It’s only by limiting ourselves–by choosing and committing to certain things in life–that we truly exercise ou...

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