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We Expect Way Too Much From Our Romantic Partners
The cultural shift
- Before the 1950s, there were well-defined expectations for how people should behave. Women were supposed to be nurturing, but not too assertive. Men were supposed to be assertive but not really nurturing.
- Around the 1960s, we rebelled as a society against the norms and preferred humanistic psychology with ideas about human potential and the possibility of living a more authentic life.
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Key Ideas
Free And Lonely
Most Americans of this generation are now more free than the earlier generations. They are free and spoilt for choice to date, marry, divorce or have casual sexual encounters.
The price of...
Modern Dating Scene
Mark Regnerus provides some insights into the modern dating scene:
- A casual relationship is now preferred to a committed one.
- Sex is now a field for marketers to provide products and services.
- It takes considerably less time, effort and risk for one to get sexual gratification through online dating or porn.
Marriage is now an Option
Youngsters are now wary of a life-long relationship and consider it as an option.
- One-third of people who are in their twenties may never marry.
- The increase of freedom to romance has changed the definition of romance.
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Key Ideas
The 2 Models of Human Development
- The 'Surrender Yourself' model dials up your levels of happiness as you progress from your basic needs (like food and good health) towards your achievements like recognized success, or ...
Self-Actualization
It implies acknowledging and respecting the sacredness and uniqueness of each kind of person. Self-Actualization also necessitates full access to information, full knowledge of the truth, and being able to choose without fear or social pressure.
The one thing left out of this theory is social psychology, as all the needs of a human being cannot be understood in isolation and social conditions are also necessary for personal growth.
Self-Transcendence
It involves advancing a cause greater and beyond the self, experiencing a drastic shift in perspective, beyond the confines of the self through the highest level of experience.
Self-transcenders have a completely selfless value system and are leaning towards serving humanity, with an eventual goal of transcending their ego.
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Key Ideas
The Negativity Bias
Any further action that is ...
Magnified Faults
The Negativity Effect magnifies and distorts your partner's faults, whether real or imaginary.
The partner starts to wonder why isn't there any appreciation for all the good that is being done, and why the focus is only on the one bad thing.
Going Downhill
Relationships, especially long-term ones, don't get better with time but are kept intact by avoiding decline.
Married couples find contentment in other sources and remain satisfied with each other, and if not so, then the marriage breaks down.