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We Expect Way Too Much From Our Romantic Partners
The cultural shift
- Before the 1950s, there were well-defined expectations for how people should behave. Women were supposed to be nurturing, but not too assertive. Men were supposed to be assertive but not really nurturing.
- Around the 1960s, we rebelled as a society against the norms and preferred humanistic psychology with ideas about human potential and the possibility of living a more authentic life.
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Expectations of marriage
People are increasingly seeking self-actualization within their marriages. On top of the age-old love and cherish, the hope is that our spouse will help us grow to become a better version of ourselves.
It is not uncommon to hear, "He's a wonderful man, but I feel really stagnant in the relationship."
The cultural shift
- Before the 1950s, there were well-defined expectations for how people should behave. Women were supposed to be nurturing, but not too assertive. Men were supposed to be assertive but not really nurturing.
- Around the 1960s, we rebelled as a society against the norms and preferred humanistic psychology with ideas about human potential and the possibility of living a more authentic life.
Fulfillment of goals
The changing nature of our expectations of marriage has made more marriages fall short and disappoint us. But the fulfillment of a new set of goals is now within reach.
We can have a beautiful set of experiences with our spouse. We can have a particularly satisfying marriage, but we can’t do it if we’re not spending the time and the emotional energy to understand each other and help promote each other’s personal growth.
Fixing an imbalance
It is probably a bad plan to throw all your expectations on the one relationship.
People who have a diversified social portfolio, where they look to an array of different people to manage different sorts of emotions, tend to have an overall higher-quality life.
Going all-in
The idea of going all-in is to realize that to ask your spouse to help make you feel loved and grow into an ideal authentic version of yourself is a massive ask. You will do the same for him or her. And because it is such an enormous ask, you'll make sure to spend sufficient time together.
SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
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Key Ideas
The 2 Models of Human Development
- The 'Surrender Yourself' model dials up your levels of happiness as you progress from your basic needs (like food and good health) towards your achievements like recognized success, or ...
Self-Actualization
It implies acknowledging and respecting the sacredness and uniqueness of each kind of person. Self-Actualization also necessitates full access to information, full knowledge of the truth, and being able to choose without fear or social pressure.
The one thing left out of this theory is social psychology, as all the needs of a human being cannot be understood in isolation and social conditions are also necessary for personal growth.
Self-Transcendence
It involves advancing a cause greater and beyond the self, experiencing a drastic shift in perspective, beyond the confines of the self through the highest level of experience.
Self-transcenders have a completely selfless value system and are leaning towards serving humanity, with an eventual goal of transcending their ego.
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Couples In Lockdown
In lockdown(or home quarantine), relationships are being stress-tested across the globe, as couples and partners live together 24/7, and have to deal with:
- New kinds of stressful situa...
Listen More
Everyone is stressed out as there are losses all around. Most of us miss life before the lockdown. It is a good idea to let those feelings come out, listen attentively to the partner, and maybe give a hug, while avoiding any ‘fix-it’ response.
Rituals
Rituals are important to maintain a positive connection. A ritual can be anything that makes you and your partner regularly turn towards each other, emotionally, physically or spiritually.
Rituals of connection form the pillars of this culture, making the bond stronger by reinforcing it.
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Single and happy
According to a study in Applied Research Quality of Life, single people tend to be happier than the married ones, as they are more socially active.
Therefore, it is these very social in...
Social capital and happiness
The so-called ‘social capital’ is perceived by the singles as a substitute for the affection that a life partner is to provide.
More than that, for individuals who have recently gone through a divorce or the loss of love of any kind, social interactions seem to have particular importance, as they become a synonym for the support that they need in order to deal with the current difficulties.
Friends and your happiness
All in all, making sure that you keep your circle close to you, especially when you are single, can make a significant difference in your quality of life, as you are going to feel happier whenever you are surrounded by your friends, relatives and so on.
So stay positive: being in a couple or choosing to stay single can result in the very same amount of happiness whatsoever.