We Expect Way Too Much From Our Romantic Partners - Deepstash

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We Expect Way Too Much From Our Romantic Partners

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2017/09/we-expect-way-too-much-from-our-romantic-partners/541353/

theatlantic.com

We Expect Way Too Much From Our Romantic Partners
A new book explores how marriage has changed in recent years, and why that's made staying married harder. Tall, dark, handsome, funny, kind, great with kids, six-figure salary, a harsh but fair critic of my creative output ... the list of things people want from their spouses and partners has grown substantially in recent decades.

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Expectations of marriage

People are increasingly seeking self-actualization within their marriages. On top of the age-old love and cherish, the hope is that our spouse will help us grow to become a better version of our...

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The cultural shift

  • Before the 1950s, there were well-defined expectations for how people should behave. Women were supposed to be nurturing, but not too assertive. Men were supposed to be assertive but not rea...

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Fulfillment of goals

The changing nature of our expectations of marriage has made more marriages fall short and disappoint us. But the fulfillment of a new set of goals is now within reach.

We can have a beaut...

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Fixing an imbalance

It is probably a bad plan to throw all your expectations on the one relationship.

People who have a diversified social portfolio, where they look to an array of different people to manage ...

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Going all-in

The idea of going all-in is to realize that to ask your spouse to help make you feel loved and grow into an ideal authentic version of yourself is a massive ask.  You will do the same for him ...

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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

The 2 Models of Human Development

  • The 'Surrender Yourself' model dials up your levels of happiness as you progress from your basic needs (like food and good health) towards your achievements like recognized success, or creative expression. The pinnacle of this human development model is complete surrender.
  • The 'Fully Human' model is a more subjective way of helping you find your own path. When our most important needs like food, shelter, safety, and stability are met, followed by our need to love, belong and connect with others, we then pursue mastery.

Self-Actualization

It implies acknowledging and respecting the sacredness and uniqueness of each kind of person. Self-Actualization also necessitates full access to information, full knowledge of the truth, and being able to choose without fear or social pressure.

The one thing left out of this theory is social psychology, as all the needs of a human being cannot be understood in isolation and social conditions are also necessary for personal growth.

Self-Transcendence

It involves advancing a cause greater and beyond the self, experiencing a drastic shift in perspective, beyond the confines of the self through the highest level of experience.

Self-transcenders have a completely selfless value system and are leaning towards serving humanity, with an eventual goal of transcending their ego.

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Free And Lonely

Most Americans of this generation are now more free than the earlier generations. They are free and spoilt for choice to date, marry, divorce or have casual sexual encounters.

The price of this freedom, as it turns out, may be loneliness.

Modern Dating Scene

Mark Regnerus provides some insights into the modern dating scene:

  • A casual relationship is now preferred to a committed one.
  • Sex is now a field for marketers to provide products and services.
  • It takes considerably less time, effort and risk for one to get sexual gratification through online dating or porn.

Marriage is now an Option

Youngsters are now wary of a life-long relationship and consider it as an option.

  • One-third of people who are in their twenties may never marry.
  • The increase of freedom to romance has changed the definition of romance.

The Negativity Bias

The Negativity Bias
... or the Negativity Effect is a tendency most of us have to respond more strongly to negative events and emotions than to positive ones.
Any further action that is provoked due to the negative judgement can lead to a downward spiral in our communication. Our irrational impulses can ruin any good relationship.

Magnified Faults

The Negativity Effect magnifies and distorts your partner's faults, whether real or imaginary.

The partner starts to wonder why isn't there any appreciation for all the good that is being done, and why the focus is only on the one bad thing.

Going Downhill

Relationships, especially long-term ones, don't get better with time but are kept intact by avoiding decline.

Married couples find contentment in other sources and remain satisfied with each other, and if not so, then the marriage breaks down.