We Expect Way Too Much From Our Romantic Partners - Deepstash
We Expect Way Too Much From Our Romantic Partners

We Expect Way Too Much From Our Romantic Partners

Curated from: theatlantic.com

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Expectations of marriage

People are increasingly seeking self-actualization within their marriages. On top of the age-old love and cherish, the hope is that our spouse will help us grow to become a better version of ourselves.

It is not uncommon to hear, "He's a wonderful man, but I feel really stagnant in the relationship."

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The cultural shift

  • Before the 1950s, there were well-defined expectations for how people should behave. Women were supposed to be nurturing, but not too assertive. Men were supposed to be assertive but not really nurturing.
  • Around the 1960s, we rebelled as a society against the norms and preferred humanistic psychology with ideas about human potential and the possibility of living a more authentic life.

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Fulfillment of goals

The changing nature of our expectations of marriage has made more marriages fall short and disappoint us. But the fulfillment of a new set of goals is now within reach.

We can have a beautiful set of experiences with our spouse. We can have a particularly satisfying marriage, but we can’t do it if we’re not spending the time and the emotional energy to understand each other and help promote each other’s personal growth.

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Fixing an imbalance

It is probably a bad plan to throw all your expectations on the one relationship.

People who have a diversified social portfolio, where they look to an array of different people to manage different sorts of emotions, tend to have an overall higher-quality life.

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Going all-in

The idea of going all-in is to realize that to ask your spouse to help make you feel loved and grow into an ideal authentic version of yourself is a massive ask.  You will do the same for him or her. And because it is such an enormous ask, you'll make sure to spend sufficient time together.

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IDEAS CURATED BY

holdenioo

How we talk to each other determines a big part of how we live.

Holden O.'s ideas are part of this journey:

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