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We Expect Way Too Much From Our Romantic Partners

Fulfillment of goals

The changing nature of our expectations of marriage has made more marriages fall short and disappoint us. But the fulfillment of a new set of goals is now within reach.

We can have a beautiful set of experiences with our spouse. We can have a particularly satisfying marriage, but we can’t do it if we’re not spending the time and the emotional energy to understand each other and help promote each other’s personal growth.

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IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

We Expect Way Too Much From Our Romantic Partners

We Expect Way Too Much From Our Romantic Partners

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2017/09/we-expect-way-too-much-from-our-romantic-partners/541353/

theatlantic.com

5

Key Ideas

Expectations of marriage

People are increasingly seeking self-actualization within their marriages. On top of the age-old love and cherish, the hope is that our spouse will help us grow to become a better version of ourselves.

It is not uncommon to hear, "He's a wonderful man, but I feel really stagnant in the relationship."

The cultural shift

  • Before the 1950s, there were well-defined expectations for how people should behave. Women were supposed to be nurturing, but not too assertive. Men were supposed to be assertive but not really nurturing.
  • Around the 1960s, we rebelled as a society against the norms and preferred humanistic psychology with ideas about human potential and the possibility of living a more authentic life.

Fulfillment of goals

The changing nature of our expectations of marriage has made more marriages fall short and disappoint us. But the fulfillment of a new set of goals is now within reach.

We can have a beautiful set of experiences with our spouse. We can have a particularly satisfying marriage, but we can’t do it if we’re not spending the time and the emotional energy to understand each other and help promote each other’s personal growth.

Fixing an imbalance

It is probably a bad plan to throw all your expectations on the one relationship.

People who have a diversified social portfolio, where they look to an array of different people to manage different sorts of emotions, tend to have an overall higher-quality life.

Going all-in

The idea of going all-in is to realize that to ask your spouse to help make you feel loved and grow into an ideal authentic version of yourself is a massive ask.  You will do the same for him or her. And because it is such an enormous ask, you'll make sure to spend sufficient time together.

SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

The 2 Models of Human Development

  • The 'Surrender Yourself' model dials up your levels of happiness as you progress from your basic needs (like food and good health) towards your achievements like recognized success, or ...

Self-Actualization

It implies acknowledging and respecting the sacredness and uniqueness of each kind of person. Self-Actualization also necessitates full access to information, full knowledge of the truth, and being able to choose without fear or social pressure.

The one thing left out of this theory is social psychology, as all the needs of a human being cannot be understood in isolation and social conditions are also necessary for personal growth.

Self-Transcendence

It involves advancing a cause greater and beyond the self, experiencing a drastic shift in perspective, beyond the confines of the self through the highest level of experience.

Self-transcenders have a completely selfless value system and are leaning towards serving humanity, with an eventual goal of transcending their ego.

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Single and happy

According to a study in Applied Research Quality of Life, single people tend to be happier than the married ones, as they are more socially active. 

Therefore, it is these very social in...

Social capital and happiness

The so-called ‘social capital’ is perceived by the singles as a substitute for the affection that a life partner is to provide. 

More than that, for individuals who have recently gone through a divorce or the loss of love of any kind, social interactions seem to have particular importance, as they become a synonym for the support that they need in order to deal with the current difficulties.

Friends and your happiness

All in all, making sure that you keep your circle close to you, especially when you are single, can make a significant difference in your quality of life, as you are going to feel happier whenever you are surrounded by your friends, relatives and so on. 

So stay positive: being in a couple or choosing to stay single can result in the very same amount of happiness whatsoever.

Couples In Lockdown

In lockdown(or home quarantine), relationships are being stress-tested across the globe, as couples and partners live together 24/7, and have to deal with:

  • New kinds of stressful situa...

Listen More

Everyone is stressed out as there are losses all around. Most of us miss life before the lockdown. It is a good idea to let those feelings come out, listen attentively to the partner, and maybe give a hug, while avoiding any ‘fix-it’ response.

Rituals

Rituals are important to maintain a positive connection. A ritual can be anything that makes you and your partner regularly turn towards each other, emotionally, physically or spiritually.


Rituals of connection form the pillars of this culture, making the bond stronger by reinforcing it.

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