<div data-text="What you learned..."><p><b>We are social beings and we need to create intimacy with other people, for the well-being of our body, mind, and heart.</b></p><p>Close friendships regulate our emotional distress because in difficult times, being close to someone you feel attachment in a safe way is the most effective way to calm yourself.</p></div>

The need for close friendships

Love & Relationships

<div data-text="What you learned..."><b>Close friendships need intimacy and reciprocation to exist.</b></div><ul><li><b>Intimacy</b> means&nbsp;being able to be fully yourself and be seen and understood by others.</li><li><b>Reciprocation</b> means that both people feel they are seen and understood by the other person.&nbsp;</li></ul>

Defining closeness

<div data-text="What you learned..."><i>“We think about relationships as things that happen to us, but the truth is that we make them happen.”</i></div>

Quote

<div data-text="What you learned..."><ol><li><b>Create a foundation of security.</b></li><li>Look your friends in the face and <b>give them your full attention</b>. </li><li><b>Help people understand and accept you</b>. Be honest and stop pretending to be somebody cooler than you are.</li><li><b>Ask for help even when you don’t need it</b> so you’ll feel more comfortable reaching out when you'll know ho they respond to this kind of request.</li><li><b>Accept that closeness varies from person to person</b>. We all need it in different doses.</li></ol></div>

Make your friendships closer

<div data-text="What you learned...">The CARP model for secure relationships has 5 elements:&nbsp;</div><ul><li><b>Consistency</b> <i>(Do these friends drift in and out of my life on a whim?)</i></li><li><b>Availability</b> <i>(How available are they to spend time together?)</i></li><li><b>Reliability</b> <i>(Can I count on them if I need something?)</i></li><li><b>Responsiveness</b> <i>(Do they reply to my emails and texts? Do I hear from them on a consistent basis?)</i></li><li><b>Predictability</b> <i>(Can I count on them to act in a certain way?)</i></li></ul>

Elements of secure relationships

Even if you find it easy to make friends - and it's not, for most people - getting truly close to people is still difficult. Here's how to make it easier. Like so many people, I grew up watching the TV show "Friends," dreaming of the day I would be living a glamorous city life surrounded by a group of close friends.