How to Have Closer Friendships (and Why You Need Them)
Curated from: nytimes.com
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The need for close friendships
We are social beings and we need to create intimacy with other people, for the well-being of our body, mind, and heart.
Close friendships regulate our emotional distress because in difficult times, being close to someone you feel attachment in a safe way is the most effective way to calm yourself.
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Defining closeness
Close friendships need intimacy and reciprocation to exist.
- Intimacy means being able to be fully yourself and be seen and understood by others.
- Reciprocation means that both people feel they are seen and understood by the other person.
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“We think about relationships as things that happen to us, but the truth is that we make them happen.”
DR. SUE JOHNSON
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Make your friendships closer
- Create a foundation of security.
- Look your friends in the face and give them your full attention.
- Help people understand and accept you. Be honest and stop pretending to be somebody cooler than you are.
- Ask for help even when you don’t need it so you’ll feel more comfortable reaching out when you'll know ho they respond to this kind of request.
- Accept that closeness varies from person to person. We all need it in different doses.
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Elements of secure relationships
- Consistency (Do these friends drift in and out of my life on a whim?)
- Availability (How available are they to spend time together?)
- Reliability (Can I count on them if I need something?)
- Responsiveness (Do they reply to my emails and texts? Do I hear from them on a consistent basis?)
- Predictability (Can I count on them to act in a certain way?)
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