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How To Stop Caring About What People Think & Do - Darius Foroux

Staying Clear of Imaginary Groups

Out of novelty and boredom, we started being part of 'imaginary' groups just because it is cool to do so. There are groups in social media, or in clubs/bars, in which people join due to desire to be accepted.

If we have our friends, family, a career and a few hobbies, we don't need to attach our identity to a group.

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How To Stop Caring About What People Think & Do - Darius Foroux

How To Stop Caring About What People Think & Do - Darius Foroux

https://dariusforoux.com/stop-caring/

dariusforoux.com

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Key Ideas

Belongingness

Humans have an inbuilt drive to belong and be accepted. This makes us care about what others think of us.

  • In the pre-historic times, human beings couldn't survive if they were not part of a group. This makes belongingness part of our genes, which shaped our natural selection.
  • In the modern age, as we get more social and mobile, it is no longer necessary to be part of a group, as it is not crucial to be accepted by everyone. It helps to know how to care less about what other people think or do.

Staying Clear of Imaginary Groups

Out of novelty and boredom, we started being part of 'imaginary' groups just because it is cool to do so. There are groups in social media, or in clubs/bars, in which people join due to desire to be accepted.

If we have our friends, family, a career and a few hobbies, we don't need to attach our identity to a group.

Mission = Value + Vision

Discovering your core values, and having a vision is key to finding your mission.
You have to know where you want to go (Vision) and create a road map that takes you there (Values). Having these foundational pillars in your life makes us less susceptible to what others think and do.

It's Ok To Disappoint Others

It's ok to disappoint others, instead of falling in the trap of doing obligatory and unnecessary work, as many kind and thoughtful people end up doing. It is ok to say NO to others, as the most important task you have is to live up to your core values and your mission.

If people are disappointed with you, it is a revelation that they are selfish, and are not concerned with the wellbeing of others.

Create Your Own Group

Create your own closely-knit group of true and authentic people in your family and close friends.

You need to stop bothering about or getting influenced by other people and realize that you don't need to be part of other groups.

SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Extrapolating our thoughts

A few examples of how we extrapolate our exceptions all the time:

  • “House prices will probably keep increasing.”
  • “That person will never change.”
  • “My busi...
We’re fast thinkers

But that doesn’t mean we should follow through on every single thought that pops into our mind.

Every time you start thinking about future events or start making mental movies, keep count on a post-it note or a small piece of paper. Be aware of your thoughts. But don’t follow through.

Ryan Holiday
Ryan Holiday
“It takes skill and discipline to bat away the pests of bad perceptions, to separate reliable signals from deceptive ones, to filter out prejudice, expectation, and fear.”

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Leadership is about ownership

The most fundamental and important truth at the heart of Extreme Ownership: there are no bad teams, only bad leaders.” - Jocko Willink and Leif Babin, Extreme Ownership

Yo...

How to set the right example
  • Expect from others what you expect from yourself. Never ask for something you're not doing.
  • When things go wrong, try to stay calm. Life is nothing but a series of solved problems. 
  • When you screw up, admit it. There’s no place for your ego.
  • Be clear about your values and rules. People must take you seriously.
  • Respect others and don’t try to change them. It’s impossible to change people. You can only change yourself. 
Epictetus

“Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants.”

Epictetus
Rules for de-cluttering life
  • Don't buy the stuff you can't afford.
  • Live below your means
  • Get rid of things when they take up the space you need. Donate or recycle them.
The Eureka Myth
The Eureka Myth

There is a big misconception that ideas generate like a flash.

Researches show that such insights are actually the culminating result of prior hard work on a problem. Itt&#...

The Breed Myth

A lot of people think that creative ability is a trait inherent in one’s heritage or genes. In fact, there is no such thing as a creative breed.

Creative minds are not born, they are made. People who have confidence in themselves and work the hardest on a problem are the ones most likely to come up with a creative solution.

The Originality Myth

There's a long-standing myth about intellectual property - the idea that a creative idea is proprietary to the person who thought of it.

But history and empirical research revealed that new ideas are actually combinations of older ideas and that sharing those helps generate more innovation.

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Social norms

People tend to conform to behaviors that are common among other people, even when they know that those people did not make their choices freely, and when the decision does not mirror their own desi...

Common reasons for conforming
  • One common explanation: we that if everyone else is choosing to do one thing, it is probably a good thing to do.
  • Another common explanation: we fear that failing to follow a norm may have negative social consequences.
The self-categorization theory

The idea of the self-categorization theory is that people conform to the norms of certain social groups whenever they have a personal desire to feel like they belong.

It is irrelevant whether a norm reflects people's preference, as long as the behavior is associated with the group.

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You Are Not Your Thoughts
Our life situation is shaped by the quality of our thoughts. However, most of us assume that we are our thoughts.
You can decide what thoughts to ignore in your mind

The only way to stop identifying yourself with your thoughts is to stop following through on all your thoughts ✋ . Instead, decide to live in the present moment—where you don’t have time to think, only to experience.

4 Steps to stop overthinking 🧠

1. Raise your awareness throughout the day. 

2. When you raise awareness, immediately start observing your thoughts

3. Only limit your thinking to specific moments that you need it.

4. Enjoy your life! Let go of all your thoughts about yesterday and tomorrow. 

Finding meaning
A recent survey found that the average worker would give up $21,000 a year in exchange for a workplace role that always offered them meaning.

Employees who derive meaning from their work are mor...

How to find meaningful work

Define what meaningful work means to you.

Find your own personal satisfaction and connection to your work. It could be the people you work with or a project you are passionate about.

Personal engagement

There’s always some level of personal investment in your work.

If what you're doing has a positive impact, it adds up and makes you feel proud of what you’re working on.

Our Work Motivation

Lack of job satisfaction and employee engagement can be due to bad management, lack of transparency and overwork. One important reason that is often overlooked is our personal motivations.

T...

Achievement 

People with a high need for achievement seek to excel.
Going for high-risk situations, these go-getters are not sitting relaxed even after reaching their objectives, rather going after the next goal.

Power

People who are driven by a need for power love to be in charge, and crave authority even more than monetary gains. They want to make impactful decisions, desiring to be revered and followed.

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Unresolved conflicts

The idea that couples must communicate and resolve all of their problems is a myth. The truth is, trying to resolve a conflict can sometimes create more problems than it fixes.

Being honest

The last person you should ever have to censor yourself with is the person you love.

It’s important to make something more important in your relationship than merely making each other feel good all of the time. The feel-good stuff happens when you get the other stuff right.

Being willing to end it

Romantic sacrifice is idealized in our culture. 

Sometimes the only thing that can make a relationship successful is ending it at the appropriate time, before it becomes too damaging. And the willingness to do that allows us to establish the necessary boundaries to help ourselves and our partner grow together.

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Stay Adaptable

Careers and markets change over time, and you’ll need to be able to change in kind to remain relevant.

Thinking outside the box will help you stay adaptable. Your mind won’t be closed ...

Gain Flexibility

If you view things as unchangeable, then nothing can change for the better. By thinking outside the box and questioning the status quo, you’ll constantly be considering how you could improve something.

Greater Perspective

Thinking outside the box can expand your worldview, allowing you to have a greater perspective on the events in your life. When you’re willing to consider alternative ways and points of view, you can find more potential solutions.

A greater perspective can make you more receptive to different ideas, which means that you won’t be limited by a small worldview. 

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