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How to Know if You've Married the Wrong Person
Unrealistic expectations
The gap between expectation and reality is the cause for many of life’s disappointments.
We like to create detailed fantasies of how our lives are going to be. But when we expect our reality to match a fantasy but life turns out nothing like it, we feel disappointed.
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Key Ideas
We Don't Understand Ourselves
We don't realize that we are a bundle of contradictions and are trying to look for someone who can understand us, while we haven't been able to understand ourselves yet.
We think we are a great person to be with, which may not be true.
We Don't Understand Others
Like us, other people are stuck in the same low-level self-realization: we try to gauge the other person by their looks or family or social status, which is a futile exercise in most cases.
We Don't Know Happiness
We aren't accustomed to being happy or have a misguided idea of what happiness is.
We find the ones who would be right for us, to be wrong for us, because of our lack of experience in what good is, and the fact that we don't associate love with being happy and fulfilled.
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Key Ideas
Investing In Each Other
A strong, healthy, and long-lasting marriage has some key ingredients that make it work: Commitment, Hard Work, Consistency, and Intentionality.
The same ingredients are required for building wealth when one is with a life partner, planning to spend your entire life together.
Life partners have to invest in each other.
Talk About It
Many times, partners do not see eye to eye, have different preferences or moods. Money is the No.1 issue that couples argue about, according to studies.
It is crucial to discuss financial goals and retirement plans with one's spouse, figuring out a strategy in advance, to avoid any confrontation later.
Saving up For Retirement, Together
- Firstly, save up for the emergency fund, which is three to six months of expenses, and set it aside. After that, least 15% of your combined gross household income should go towards your retirement, once all debt is cleared.
- If only one of the partner works, you still can save up for retirement using a Spousal IRA, provided a joint tax return is filed. For details, you can consult an investing professional.
- It is also a good idea to clear up the old 401(k) accounts which are hanging around from the old jobs and put one's investments in order.
Be together for the right reasons
The most common reason people cite why their marriage fail is that people marry someone for the wrong reasons, such as pressure from friends and family, being together for image, thinking that love will solve everything.
But what makes a relationship work is a genuine, deep-level admiration for each other.
Realistic relationship expectations
Romantic love, though able to make us feel ecstatic at times, is also irrational and temporary.
True love is impervious to emotional whims or fancy. It is a constant commitment to a person regardless of present circumstances. Some days will be a struggle, and other days you will feel like the luckiest person in the world. True love is more satisfying and meaningful and brings true happiness, not just a series of highs.
Respect in relationships
People who have been through divorces almost always say communication is the most important thing. But the thing people with happy marriages consider the most important is a deep respect for their partner as well as respect for themselves.
- Respect means never talking bad about your partner or complain about them to your friends.
- Respect that they have different hobbies, interests, and perspectives.
- Respect that they have an equal say in the relationship, that you are a team.
- No secrets. Respect means you feel safe sharing your deepest, most intimate selves with each other.