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How to Know if You've Married the Wrong Person

Unrealistic expectations

The gap between expectation and reality is the cause for many of life’s disappointments.
We like to create detailed fantasies of how our lives are going to be. But when we expect our reality to match a fantasy but life turns out nothing like it, we feel disappointed.

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IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

How to Know if You've Married the Wrong Person

How to Know if You've Married the Wrong Person

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_know_if_youve_married_the_wrong_person

greatergood.berkeley.edu

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Key Ideas

The faulty logic

We usually consider moving into marriage in an attempt to preserve and prolong the happy romantic feelings that characterize the early stages of almost all relationships.
But in most cases, there is no real connection between those feelings and the institution of marriage: marriage tends to move us onto a more administrative plane.

Unrealistic expectations

The gap between expectation and reality is the cause for many of life’s disappointments.
We like to create detailed fantasies of how our lives are going to be. But when we expect our reality to match a fantasy but life turns out nothing like it, we feel disappointed.

Asking the right questions

"Are you the right person for me?" is the wrong question to ask, because nothing outside of ourselves can fix us or bring us happiness.
A more constructive question to ask would be "Can I accommodate your imperfections with humor and grace?"

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We Don't Know Happiness

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The problem is mostly economic

Young men across large parts of the world are holding back from relationships and starting families because of unemployment and low wages. This is especially true in places where high dowry payments are expected.

Even places like Greece, Spain, and France are experiencing age-related fertility problems because young people can't afford the trappings of adulthood.

A growing trend

The situation of singledom is increasing in women globally. 

  • In a range of places, women are becoming the majority of students at university over men, and desire to engage in their career with zeal, which delays marriage.
  • One multi-country study from sub-Saharan Africa found that even when women themselves hadn't received a more formal education, they were likely to delay marriage if it was the norm around them.

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Marriage is now an Option

Youngsters are now wary of a life-long relationship and consider it as an option.

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Labeling emotions and acknowledging traumatic events, both natural outcomes of journaling, have a known positive effect on people, and are often incorporated into traditional talk therapy.

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  • Physical touch: It can range from having sex to holding hands. With this love language, the speaker feels affection through physical touch.
Love languages for non-romantic relationships

The concept of love languages helps pretty much any relationship - it’s useful to understand what matters to people.

It all comes down to knowing what’s important to people so you can understand, empathize and work with them a little better. 

We all have different life experiences; we come from different backgrounds. It makes sense that we communicate differently, too.

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Shape your mindset

When going on a first date, make sure your mindset is a positive one, no matter what your previous dating experiences felt like. Embrace the fear of a possible failure while hoping for a pleasant outcome.

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Solomon's Paradox

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Get some Distance

Our emotions take precedence in our own problems due to our narrow viewpoint.

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Accept your Objective Wisdom

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Even if we play it cool, and follow the dating norms and etiquettes, the 'needy' energy can leak out of us, repelling the other person. If you are feeling like that, it is best to listen to yourself with compassion.

Self-Examination

Being left alone or not being able to have a fulfilling relationship with one person is a perfect opportunity for self-discovery and self-examination.

Instead of waiting for the other person to suddenly start loving you (an external event you cannot control) you are much better off understanding the situation objectively, absorbing the learning it brings. Love can come from diverse sources if you are open to life, alternatives and possibilities.