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Why an Internal Focus is The Solution to All of Your Problems

The victim mindset

It happens when we focus on how you believe other people are doing you wrong or what you think they are doing to cause you pain. It means focusing on other people's flaws and how you feel mistreated.
This fuels feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and despair.

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Why an Internal Focus is The Solution to All of Your Problems

Why an Internal Focus is The Solution to All of Your Problems

https://tinybuddha.com/blog/why-an-internal-focus-is-the-solution-to-all-of-your-problems/

tinybuddha.com

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Key Ideas

Hal Elrod

Hal Elrod

“The moment you take personal responsibility for everything in your life is the moment you can change anything in your life.”

The victim mindset

It happens when we focus on how you believe other people are doing you wrong or what you think they are doing to cause you pain. It means focusing on other people's flaws and how you feel mistreated.
This fuels feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and despair.

Looking in the right direction

How someone else treats you is outside your control.
But noticing who or what you are exposing yourself to is within your control. And so you should focus on that.

Self-assessment

Be honest with yourself. If you are part of the problem, then you are also part of the solution.

Stop blaming others. If you feel helpless over a situation, it’s usually because you can’t see your part in it. Be aware of how you are standing in your own way.

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Defining excuses

Excuses are rationalizations we make to ourselves about people, events, and circumstances. 

They are invented reasons we create to defend our behavior, to postpone taking action or simpl...

The Fear Trap

We make excuses for the following key reasons:

  • Fear of Failure
  • Fear of Embarrassment
  • Fear of Success
  • Fear of Change
  • Fear of Uncertainty
  • Fear of Responsibility
  • Fear of Making Mistakes
  • Perceived lack of confidence or resources
To successfully eliminate excuses we must first consider removing all traces of fear. Fear paralyzes us and prevents forward movement in all areas of our lives.
'There’s just not enough time'
This excuse means a lack of desire, focus, discipline, and direction.
It suggests the wrong priorities or time management problems. It could also indicate laziness or procrastination.

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Attachment and control

With attachment comes a very strong urge to control the circumstances.

You put yourself at risk by investing so much of yourself into something,  unwilling to believe that there i...

Passion and attachment

Feeling too much passion and attachment towards something can skew our perception of it.

And that's risky because it can make us unwilling to see the flaws in our plan.

Simone Weil
Simone Weil
“Attachment is the great fabricator of illusions; reality can be obtained only by someone who is detached. ”

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What Perspective Taking Is

It’s the ability to take on someone else’s point of view when thinking.

By taking yourself out of the equation, the motivations of your opponent becomes clearer. And by understanding the othe...

Develop perspective taking
  • Put aside your feelings so that you can concentrate only on the other person’s perspective.
  • Use open ended questions that can help you draw out the interests and motivation that the person may not be verbalizing.
  • Be clear about your own position and the weaknesses it has.
  • Remove any personal intentions you may have, so as not to project them on to the other person.
  • Using what you know about the person, their background, their mood, their intentions and expectations,  imagine how they are seeing the current situation.
  • Validate their position by paraphrasing back to them what you think their position is.
Using perspective taking

When you break it down, almost every aspect of business involves an element of negotiation. 

By honing your perspective taking skills, you are much more likely to come up with solutions that are acceptable to all parties.