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Why an Internal Focus is The Solution to All of Your Problems
Looking in the right direction
How someone else treats you is outside your control.
But noticing who or what you are exposing yourself to is within your control. And so you should focus on that.
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Key Ideas
Hal Elrod
“The moment you take personal responsibility for everything in your life is the moment you can change anything in your life.”
The victim mindset
It happens when we focus on how you believe other people are doing you wrong or what you think they are doing to cause you pain. It means focusing on other people's flaws and how you feel mistreated.
This fuels feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and despair.
Looking in the right direction
How someone else treats you is outside your control.
But noticing who or what you are exposing yourself to is within your control. And so you should focus on that.
Self-assessment
Be honest with yourself. If you are part of the problem, then you are also part of the solution.
Stop blaming others. If you feel helpless over a situation, it’s usually because you can’t see your part in it. Be aware of how you are standing in your own way.
SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
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Key Ideas
Defining excuses
Excuses are rationalizations we make to ourselves about people, events, and circumstances.
They are invented reasons we create to defend our behavior, to postpone taking action or simpl...
The Fear Trap
We make excuses for the following key reasons:
- Fear of Failure
- Fear of Embarrassment
- Fear of Success
- Fear of Change
- Fear of Uncertainty
- Fear of Responsibility
- Fear of Making Mistakes
- Perceived lack of confidence or resources
'There’s just not enough time'
It suggests the wrong priorities or time management problems. It could also indicate laziness or procrastination.
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Attachment and control
With attachment comes a very strong urge to control the circumstances.
You put yourself at risk by investing so much of yourself into something, unwilling to believe that there i...
Passion and attachment
Feeling too much passion and attachment towards something can skew our perception of it.
And that's risky because it can make us unwilling to see the flaws in our plan.
Simone Weil
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What Perspective Taking Is
It’s the ability to take on someone else’s point of view when thinking.
By taking yourself out of the equation, the motivations of your opponent becomes clearer. And by understanding the othe...
Develop perspective taking
- Put aside your feelings so that you can concentrate only on the other person’s perspective.
- Use open ended questions that can help you draw out the interests and motivation that the person may not be verbalizing.
- Be clear about your own position and the weaknesses it has.
- Remove any personal intentions you may have, so as not to project them on to the other person.
- Using what you know about the person, their background, their mood, their intentions and expectations, imagine how they are seeing the current situation.
- Validate their position by paraphrasing back to them what you think their position is.
Using perspective taking
When you break it down, almost every aspect of business involves an element of negotiation.
By honing your perspective taking skills, you are much more likely to come up with solutions that are acceptable to all parties.
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Key Ideas
The Fear of Public Speaking
Public speaking is often topping the charts as the No. 1 fear in the world.
People feel anxious, sweaty, or have a pounding heart while being on stage in front of an audience.
Practice
A great way to remove a large portion of fear is to practice hard, studying the topic well. You can research all questions that the audience may ask, and practice the speech in front of a mirror or in front of friends.
Practicing soothes our nerves, making us ready for the final audience.
Bigger Than Your Fears
When you talk about something you are passionate about, the words come naturally, in a flow. Even if the words are forgotten, you can easily bounce back, as your inner fire won't let the words fail you.
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“Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any expe..."
Tony Robbins
W. Somerset Maugham
“If you don’t change your beliefs, your life will be like this forever. Is that good news?”
Challenging areas in your life
Consider how you’re doing in the following areas:
- Finances. Are you feeling financial pressure in your life? Do you have all the things you need or really want? How much money do you have in savings? Do you have the income you desire? Is that income secure?
- Relationships. Are your relationships satisfying?
- Health. Are you taking good care of yourself?
- Fun & Adventure. Are you doing the things you really want to do?
- Any other aspect of your life in which you’re experiencing dissatisfaction.
If you’re not pleased with your life, a limiting belief could be the cause.
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Pay More Attention to the Moment
Your Next Move
A conversation is not like a game of chess where you constantly plan three moves ahead.
Keep your mind focused and stop thinking about what you want to say next. There's no point in solving a problem that doesn't exist yet, so focusing attention on doing so is only harming the actual conversation that's happening.
People Actually Say What They Mean
Some spend a lot of time going back through their conversations of the day to find some type of hidden meaning in them. Even if someone was very direct, they assume they meant something else.
The only thing you can do about this is to stop, move on, and simply accept that people often say what they mean. Paying attention will allow you to have a better grasp of how people are communicating with you.
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Self-compassion
Self-compassion is treating yourself with the same kindness and consideration that you would offer to someone else.
Self-compassion helps you cope with tough situations and helps you t...
Why parents need self-compassion
Parents' frame of mind impacts their children. Parents should not blame themselves when their children struggle.
Since parents lead by example, treating themselves with compassion and without judgment can help their children to do the same.
Make time for mindfulness
Many parents stop meditating once they have children. But new research suggests that even brief interventions can be helpful.
- Take two breaths of kindness wherever you are.
- Find moments of newness while engaged in your daily tasks of living.
- Bring awareness and gratitude to the everyday things you take for granted.
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Accepting boredom
Learning to live with more boredom makes it easier for you to really feel present in every aspect of your life: work, relationships, and whatever else you want to do with your time that doesn't inv...
How you define "productivity"
The way we define the concept of "productivity" really influences our perception.
For a lot of people, this word suggests something cold and corporate, that speaks about efficiency and becoming a robot.
The best productivity advice
It has to do with focus and allows us to accomplish everything we want to do in a smaller amount of time, so we have more time for what’s actually meaningful to us.
Because being able to focus on things, we see more meaning in them.
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Not reaching your goals
Take the goal you didn’t achieve and try a different approach. Doing the same thing over and over to achieve your goal is the definition of insanity.
Your heroes miss their goals too. ...
Being criticized
You can’t please everybody that you meet in life.
Critics are not all bad. You can learn things about yourself from them too. The solution is to learn from criticism, not be afraid of it.
Messing up your career
See career challenges for what they are: an opportunity to try something different.
If your career never got messed up, then you’d probably stay in your comfort-zone for your entire life and never try something different.
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Paradox of Choice
Overthinking lowers your performance
Our working memory is what allows us to focus on the information we need to get things done at the moment we’re doing them. It is also in limited supply. You can think of it like our brain’s computer memory. Once it’s used up, nothing more can fit in.
When you overanalyze a situation, the repetitive thoughts, anxiety, and self-doubt decrease the amount of working memory you have available to complete challenging tasks, causing your productivity to plummet.
Overthinking kills your creativity
A recent Stanford study suggests that over-thinking not only impedes our ability to perform cognitive tasks but keeps us from reaching our creative potential as well.
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