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Remington O.
@remington_do38
How to Forgive Yourself
We all do things in our lives that we regret, and then we hold on to shame and guilt. The process to forgive yourself is the same:
- Separate the action from yourself.
- Understand your motivation. Was it insecurity or ignorance that drove you to do this thing?
- Empathize with yourself. How much stuff do you blame yourself for that was not your fault?
- Mark your boundaries.
- Eliminate emotional attachment. There are better things to do with your energy than hating yourself.
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Why forgiveness is so hard
- You're filled with thoughts of retribution or revenge
- You enjoy feeling superior
- You don't know how to resolve the situation
- You're addicted to the adrenaline that anger provides
- You self-identify as a "victim"
- You're afraid that by forgiving you have to re-connect—or lose your connection.
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If you decide you are willing to forgive, find a good place and time to be alone with your thoughts.
- Think about the incident that angered you. Accept that it happened, how you felt about it and how it made you react.
- Acknowledge the growth you experienced as a result of what happened. What did it make you learn about yourself, or about your needs and boundaries?
- Think about the other person. When you were hurt, the other person was trying to have a need met. What do you think this need was and why did the person go about it in such a hurtful way?
- Decide if you want to tell the other person that you have forgiven him or her.
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