A securely attached adult will appear in the following ways: <ul><li>excellent conflict resolution, </li><li>mentally flexible, </li><li>effective communicators, </li><li>avoidance of manipulation, </li><li>comfortable with closeness without fearfulness of being enmeshed, </li><li>quickly forgiving, </li><li>viewing sex and emotional intimacy as one, </li><li>believing they can positively impact their relationship, </li><li>and caring for their partner in the way they want to be cared for. </li></ul>In summation, they are great partners who treat their spouses very well, as they are not afraid to give positively and ask for their needs to be met.

Secure

<ol><li>Anxious attachment</li><li>Secure attachment</li><li>Avoidant attachment</li></ol>

Types Of Attachment Styles

Securely attached adults believe that there are "many potential partners that would be responsive to their needs", and if they come across an individual who is not meeting their needs, they will typically lose interest very quickly.

<ol><li>Getting sidetracked from the real problem.</li><li>Neglecting to effectively communicate feelings and needs.</li><li>Reverting to personal attacks and destructiveness.</li><li>Reacting "tit for tat" to the other's negativity with more negativity.</li><li>Withdrawing.</li><li>Forgetting to focus on the other's well-being.</li></ol>

Insecure Conflict Strategies to Avoid

Attachment theory is a psychological, evolutionary and ethological theory concerning relationships between humans. The most important tenet is that young children need to develop a relationship with at least one primary caregiver for normal social and emotional development.

Attachment Theory

<ol><li>Show basic concern for the other person's well-being.</li><li>Maintain focus on the problem at hand.</li><li>Refrain from generalizing the conflict.</li><li>Be willig to engage.</li><li>Effectively communicate feelings and needs.</li></ol>

Five Secure Principles for Resolving Conflict

“Over a decade after its publication, one book on dating has people firmly in its grip.” —The New York Times We already rely on science to tell us what to eat, when to exercise, and how long to sleep. Why not use science to help us improve our relationships? In this revolutionary book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller scientifically explain why why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle. Discover how an understanding of adult attachment—the most advanced relationship science in existence today—can help us find and sustain love. Pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s, the field of attachment posits that each of us behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways: • Anxious people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back • Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness. • Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving. Attached guides readers in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mate) follow, offering a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections with the people they love.

books

Books

“Over a decade after its publication, one book on dating has people firmly in its grip.” —The New York Times We already rely on science to tell us what to eat, when to exercise, and how long to sleep. Why not use science to help us improve our relationships? In this revolutionary book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller scientifically explain why why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle. Discover how an understanding of adult attachment—the most advanced relationship science in existence today—can help us find and sustain love. Pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s, the field of attachment posits that each of us behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways:    • Anxious people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back    • Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.    • Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving. Attached guides readers in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mate) follow, offering a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections with the people they love.

Dr Amir Levine, MD, is an adult, child and adolescent psychiatrist and neuroscientist. He has been conducting neuroscience research at Columbia University, New York, for several years under the mentorship of Nobel Prize laureate Eric Kandel.

Amir Levine

Rachel Heller is an accomplished writer whose work has resonated with readers around the world. Rachel Heller has published several books that explore a range of topics, from fiction to nonfiction, and has received critical acclaim for the ability to weave compelling narratives. Rachel Heller's writing style is known for its depth and authenticity, and has earned quite a loyal following of readers.