Intro

Softening a request might seem polite, but it can also be a form of passive aggression. Think of other “softeners” like “Thanks in advance” or “Hey, what’s our ETA looking like?”

If you’re asking for something as a boss or colleague, don’t pretend like you’re being a pal. It’s fine to be ex...

It's a “throat clearer” — an indirect attempt to demand attention or a faster response. Other phrases to eliminate: “Per my last email...,” “Not sure if you got the memo, but...” or “As I mentioned before...”

These phrases only camouflage your request and make the other per...

This phrase almost always prefaces something annoying or offensive.

What to say instead:

If so, it’s fine to say: “Is this a good time to talk? There’s something that’s been bothering me” or “I’m concerned about your performance. Let’s talk about it.”

This phrase implies disapproval. Other passive aggressive judgement signals include “Just so you know...” or “For future reference...”

Your listener hears a common refrain in each of these phrases: “I don’t agree. Don’t you know who I am? You messed up again.”

What to say ins...