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Softening a request might seem polite, but it can also be a form of passive aggression. Think of other “softeners” like “Thanks in advance” or “Hey, what’s our ETA looking like?”
If you’re asking for something as a boss or colleague, don’t pretend like you’re being a pal. It’s fine to be explicit and state what you need and when.
What to say instead:
Be upfront. Remind them of the deadline, then explain the stakes of missing it: “I really need this by tomorrow or the client will be very upset.”
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Sometimes, this is just another phrase for “Yep, okay.” But the sarcastic version means something different: “Shut up, I heard you” or “You’re annoying, leave me alone.”
What to say instead:
Examine why you’re upset. Then try saying, “I’m sorry if I ...
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Passive aggresive behaviour isn’t always intentional. A study found that people who have these tendencies often just struggle with being honest about their emotions.
Here are phrases that we can avoid to not being passive aggresive
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It's a “throat clearer” — an indirect attempt to demand attention or a faster response. Other phrases to eliminate: “Per my last email...,” “Not sure if you got the memo, but...” or “As I mentioned before...”
These phrases only camouflage your request and make the other per...
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This phrase almost always prefaces something annoying or offensive.
What to say instead:
If so, it’s fine to say: “Is this a good time to talk? There’s something that’s been bothering me” or “I’m concerned about your performance. Let’s talk about it.”
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This phrase implies disapproval. Other passive aggressive judgement signals include “Just so you know...” or “For future reference...”
Your listener hears a common refrain in each of these phrases: “I don’t agree. Don’t you know who I am? You messed up again.”
What to say ins...
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We should avoid these phrases that only serve to irritate the listener.
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