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Stop Trying To Be Happy

Happiness is not the same as positivity

We don't always need to be positive, even if that is constantly marketed to us. We will have trouble. Things go wrong. People upset us. Mistakes are made that make us negative. It's all part of life.

Negative emotions are necessary, but we need to learn to express them in a socially acceptable way that aligns with our values.

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IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

Stop Trying To Be Happy

Stop Trying To Be Happy

https://markmanson.net/stop-trying-to-be-happy

markmanson.net

6

Key Ideas

Happiness

Happiness, like other emotions, is not something you acquire. It is something you are.
This implies that happiness is not a goal that you can reach. It is a side effect of a particular set of ongoing life experiences.

Happiness is not the same as pleasure

While pleasure is correlated with happiness, pursuing pleasure does not cause happiness.

People who focus their energy on materialistic and superficial pleasures end up more anxious and less happy in the long run. Pleasure is necessary, but it's insufficient.

Lowering one’s expectations

Failing to meet your own expectations is not the opposite of happiness. Your ability to fail and still appreciate the experience is key to happiness.

The joy is not in getting what you want, but the process of working towards it, then raising the bar, and doing it again. If you fail, learn from it. 

Happiness is not the same as positivity

We don't always need to be positive, even if that is constantly marketed to us. We will have trouble. Things go wrong. People upset us. Mistakes are made that make us negative. It's all part of life.

Negative emotions are necessary, but we need to learn to express them in a socially acceptable way that aligns with our values.

Happiness is a process

Raising a child makes us happier than beating a video game. Completing a marathon makes us happier than eating chocolate.
These activities involve pain, struggle, even anger, and despair. But once you have completed them, you look back and feel happy because these kinds of events allow us to become our ideal selves.

Happiness is fleeting

Achieving a difficult long-term goal makes us happy. But once you reach the goal, there will be another thing to pursue to make you happy.

That is because our ideal self is always a few steps away from us. What matters is not that we achieve the plateaus of success, but that we're continually moving towards them.

SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Finding meaning above happiness
Finding meaning above happiness

For many people, the pursuit of happiness is the meaning of life itself.

However, Friedrich Nietzsche saw the pursuit of happiness as a pointless waste of human life. He was instead dedicate...

The key to good living

Psychology agrees that the key to good living is to find meaning. For Nietzsche, those who do great things suffer greatly. Those who do small things suffer trivially.

Herein lies the paradox of happiness. Activities directly focused to increase pleasure are unlikely to have a high payoff. Happiness is a side effect.

Stigmatizing "bad" feelings

By stigmatizing uncomfortable feelings, we tend to eliminate the visibility of these emotions in society and people who feel sad or depressed believe they are the only ones who feel this ...

Understanding the source of the emotion puts you in a position to problem-solve it, which means you are back in control and can resolve the emotion.

Understanding the source of the emotion puts you in a position to problem-solve it, which means you are back in control and can resolve the emotion.
There are no bad emotions

Emotions are not “bad” or “good” but simply “comfortable” or “uncomfortable.” And even uncomfortable emotions (like sadness, anger etc) help us point issues we ignored about ourselves.

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Emotional Clarity And Depression

Studies have found that just having negative feelings isn’t enough to lead to depressive symptoms. You also have to be unable to put a name to your feeling state, and then dwell on trying to ide...

Emotional Regulation

 Is your ability to modulate or control the type of emotion you’re feeling, how long you feel that emotion, how strong it is, and whether you can turn it from negative to positive. Good emotional regulation, lets you get over negative feelings relatively quickly.

Having bad emotional clarity is thought to lead to low emotional regulation, which is linked to depression and rumination.

Emotional Clarity

Involves your ability to identify what you feel with ease. It affects mental health by predisposing people to depression.

This is a “subjective” ability. There is no external objective reference point for naming your emotions. Emotions are also relative qualities, meaning different people have different definitions and experiences for a given emotion. 

Depression as Chronic Sadness

Depression and mental illness are long associated with being sad and mentally ill people and those fighting mental disorders are judged by the misleading emotional states like happiness, which have...

Using Therapy

Many people believe therapy is something you need when you are not satisfied, happy or content with life.

Mental illnesses go far beyond being happy or sad, and many people that don't think they need therapy may, in fact, be in acute need of it.

Happy Pills
  • It’s a myth that mental health and happiness mean the same thing.
  • Happiness is just another emotional state, like sadness.
  • Depression is portrayed as not being happy, which is untrue.
  • The pill-popping generations label anti-depressant pills as Happy Pills, which is also misleading.

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Happiness

Happiness and satisfaction are subjective concepts – while for some of us monetary benefits can be equated with job satisfaction, some might strive for recognition of their hard-work and los...

Workplace Happiness defined

In a fundamental sense, workplace happiness comes when:

  • We enjoy doing the tasks assigned to us
  • We feel right about the people we are working with
  • We are happy with the financial benefits we get from the job
  • We have the scope of improving our existing skills
  • We feel respected and acknowledged at work
Importance Of Happiness At Work

Happy employees are compulsory for a growing business.

A study on organizational success revealed that employees who feel happy in the workplace are 65% more energetic than employees who don’t. They are two times more productive and are more likely to sustain their jobs over a long period of time.

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Emotions influence decision-making

Listening to your gut or "just doing what feels right" may not be the best way to make a decision.

According to a series of studies where managers tried to detect an interviewee's emo...

Anger complicates decision making

Anger is an activating emotion. It simplifies thinking. Angry people are inclined to blame people rather than society or fate. They take risks without considering the danger of those risks. They are more likely to rely on stereotypes.

Anger can put you in the game to act, but it is also important to think.

Positive and negative moods

People with a positive mood put more faith in the length of a message rather than the quality.

Sadness promotes systematic thought. However, it can keep you busy with analyzing the options without making a decision. Sadness also makes you more impatient.

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A Feeling Of Unworthiness
A Feeling Of Unworthiness

Feelings of being unworthy and a burden on others can be common among people. It is usually a mixture of low self-esteem and introvertedness, coupled with a tendency to not express one’s feelings, ...

Stop Identifying With Your Feelings

The error that we make is identifying ourselves with our emotions. We are by ourselves perfect, but we were never told this. Our feelings are not us. Our fear is a separate entity, which we can handle, and tame. We feel angry but cannot become anger ourselves.

Our feeling of unworthiness is due to our mistakenly identifying the rising and falling emotions as facts.

Gain Control Over Your Mood
  • Label Your Emotions: There are times that you might feel different emotions. Pay attention to what's really going on inside you to help you take a lot of sting out of that em...
Mood Control = Positive Outlook

Emotions are powerful and managing it is tough at times. But by gaining control over them makes you mentally stronger.

You'll gain confidence in your ability to handle discomfort while also knowing that you can make healthy choices that shift your mood.

There can be no happiness without peace of mind

....and materialistic things can’t provide that. Indulging in a certain degree of hedonistic pleasure will do you good, but happiness comes from feeling at peace with who you are and how you s...

The path to happiness is in perceiving mistakes as lessons rather than failures

It’s hard to feel peaceful if you punish yourself for making mistakes. You may even end up avoiding risks and new experiences to escape the pain of your own self-judgment. But trying new things not only opens up avenues for you, but also brings a sense of fulfillment in life.

Emotions don’t go away when we hide them. If anything, they control us even more; we just don’t realize it.

Emotions don’t go away when we hide them. If anything, they control us even more; we just don’t realize it.

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Happiness

Is the ability to not want more. Is expressing gratitude and satisfaction for the present moment, instead of yearning for some future indicator of success.

5 Simple Ways to Be Happy

1. Each night, say one thing you are grateful for

2. Write a Thank You note to someone this week.

3. Take 30 seconds to breathe, the easiest way to be grateful for your own existence.

4. Do nothing for 2 minutes: you can make time for yourself and enjoy your own presence without consuming something.

5. Call a friend that you haven’t talked to in a while.