Many times, the external appearance of behaviour isn’t the full story and has underlying functions. It is just a symptom and not the problem.
Example: When a teenager is mad for no reason, it helps to understand the underlying problems they usually have in this age, and be compassionate.
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Relationships nowadays are regularly in the doldrums, with certain factors that tend to ruin them. These same factors can be ‘reverse-engineered’ to help us strengthen and improve these relations.
Seeing people like a therapist does is a powerful way to bond with your partner, and have good relations with your children and your boss.
When someone talks about their problems, we are jumping in the problem-solving mode straight away. While dealing with people, this approach can backfire. A better approach is to just listen and validate their struggles, make them feel heard and understood.
Sometimes our behaviour is tied to invisible environmental triggers we have around us, the habits and routines that we no longer realize. We need to be aware of these triggers that set our behaviour in motion.
Example: A certain morning routine like listening to the news can make us late for our work.
Differential reinforcement is a method in which instead of focusing on bad behaviour, we intentionally celebrate good behaviour. Simply ignoring the negative makes us stop feeding it with attention, injecting constructive positivity in your actions, rather than being critical and negative.
Being vulnerable in a relationship provides it with trust, intimacy and mutual admiration, as the partner is comfortable sharing everything with you.
Opening up with the pain you may be feeling makes the other person reciprocate, as he or she is able to understand your insecurity and less-than-perfect human aspects.
Intimate relationships also tend to be highly interdependent, wherein each partner influences the other meaningfully, frequently, and vastly, in terms of topic and importance.
Sherlock had Watson. Linden has Holder. Ellie Miller is Alec Hardy perfect sidekick. She counterbalances his rational and relentless spirit.
A great duo is where both parts can complement and balance each other. We all need a partner in crime to help us see what we miss. Our sidekick is an accountability partner — it increases our chances of success.