When someone talks about their problems, we are jumping in the problem-solving mode straight away. While dealing with people, this approach can backfire. A better approach is interacting with people is to just listen and validate their struggles, make them feel heard and understood.

Validate, Not Solve

Differential reinforcement is a method in which instead of focusing on bad behaviour, we intentionally celebrate good behaviour. Simply ignoring the negative makes us stop feeding it with attention, injecting constructive positivity in your actions, rather than being critical and negative.

Focus On The Positive

Sometimes our behaviour is tied to invisible environmental triggers we have around us, the habits and routines that we no longer realize. We need to be aware of these triggers that set our behaviour in motion.Example: A certain morning routine like listening to the news can make us late for our work.

Look For Triggers

Many times, the external appearance of behaviour isn’t the full story and has underlying functions. It is just a symptom and not the problem.Example: When a teenager is mad for no reason, it helps to understand the underlying problems they usually have in this age, and be compassionate.

Actions Have Underlying Functions

Being vulnerable in a relationship provides it with trust, intimacy and mutual admiration, as the partner is comfortable sharing everything with you. Opening up with the pain you may be feeling makes the other person reciprocate, as he or she is able to understand your insecurity and less-than-perfect human aspects.

Be Vulnerable

Relationships nowadays are regularly in the doldrums, with certain factors that tend to ruin them. These same factors can be ‘reverse-engineered’ to help us strengthen and improve these relations.Seeing people like a therapist does is a powerful way to bond with your partner, and have good relations with your children and your boss.

See Relationships Like A Therapist

In my work as a therapist, I see daily examples of relationships slowly dying-and occasionally exploding. While tragic, these examples give me some insight into a common set of factors that tend to ruin relationships. And with a little reverse engineering, they also shed light on how we might strengthen and improve relationships.

Focus On The Positive

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