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That Discomfort You're Feeling Is Grief
Let go of what you can’t control
What your neighbor is doing is not in your control. What is in your control is staying far enough away from them and washing your hands.
But, you should also have compassion. Everyone will be in a different place of fear and grief. It shows up in different ways.
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We're feeling different griefs
We feel the world is different, and although temporary, we know it will not be the same again.
We feel the fear of economic turmoil and the loss of connection. And we're grieving collectively.
Anticipatory grief
Anticipatory grief is feeling unsure of what the future holds. It is that same feeling when someone gets a grave diagnosis.
We know there is a storm brewing, and it breaks our sense of safety on a micro and a macro level.
Managing all this grief
Understand the stages of grief and realize that the stages are not linear.
Denial: The virus won't affect us.
Anger: You're taking away my freedom.
Bargaining: So, if I social distance for two weeks, will everything will be better?
Sadness: I don't know how this will end.
Acceptance: This is happening, and I have to figure out how to move forward.
Acceptance is where power lies. We find control in acceptance. "I can..."
Techniques to deal with grief
In unhealthy anticipatory grief, we are experiencing anxiety. Our minds look for the worst scenarios. That's our minds being protective.
The goal is not to ignore the worst scenario, but to find a balance in the things you're thinking. If you think of the worst image, also make yourself see the best image.
Notice the present moment. You're okay. You have food. You can breathe deeply.
Let go of what you can’t control
What your neighbor is doing is not in your control. What is in your control is staying far enough away from them and washing your hands.
But, you should also have compassion. Everyone will be in a different place of fear and grief. It shows up in different ways.
The last stage of grief
The last stage of grief is meaning. After acceptance, we want something meaningful to come out of those darkest hours.
We start to realize that we can connect through technology. We are not as remote as we thought. We also appreciate the little things, like a walk.
Feeling overwhelmed with grief
There is something powerful when we name the feeling of grief. It helps us feel what's inside. You don't have to tell yourself that you feel sad but shouldn't feel sad. Just feel sad for a few minutes.
If we allow the feelings to happen, they'll happen in an orderly way, and this empowers us. Then we're not victims.
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Anticipatory grief
Conventional grief, the kind of grief that occurs after the loss of a loved one, or even loss of one’s dreams, is commonly discussed and understood.
Anticipatory grief is a lesser-known...
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Grief involves anger and loss of emotional control, often a state of confusion.
Anticipatory grief, for those who experience it, is sometimes even more severe and stressful. It does not lessen the burden of actual grief after the loss has been experienced, and is not a substitute for it..
Purpose of Anticipatory Grief
Anticipatory grief is a chance of closure and personal growth which comes at the end of life. It is a chance to reconcile differences and heal the heart with forgiveness.
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False positivity
We are caught up in a rigid culture that values positivity.
However, when we put aside our difficult emotions in order to embrace dishonest positivity, we fail to discover skills that can hel...
Tough emotions are essential for living
How we deal with our emotions affects how we love, how we live, how we parent and how we lead.
We should not view our emotions as good or bad, positive or negative. We need our emotions for real resilience.
Moving Beyond Emotional Rigidity
When we go through tough situations, we cannot ignore our negative emotions with the hope that they don't matter.
Write down what you are truly feeling in a personal notebook. Move beyond the rigidity of denial.
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Take Your Time
Breaking up can trigger chemical, emotional and physical reactions that cause you to feel lonely, unloveable, depressed, and worthless.
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Good Grief
The five stages of grief are:
- denial (inability to accept reality),
- anger (physical tension, frustration, resentment),
- bargaining (magical thinking, pleading to God),
- depression (sadness, emptiness, guilt, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, hopelessness),
- acceptance.
Become Anti-Social (Media)
Nothing good can come from looking at your ex’s Instagram stories or Facebook timeline. When it comes to social media, just say no.
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