Society teaches us an unhealthy kind of love, telling us that we are to search for one elusive, a mystical being that completes us in all aspects. Love need not be codependent, scarce and elusive but can be independent.
When we look for approval from others, taking the preferences of people closest to us in hopes of acceptance, we become codependent, and when we become frustrated with this co-dependence, we protect ourselves by being manipulative, evasive and passive-aggressive.
A lot of mental and emotional suffering comes from the way we talk to ourselves in our own minds, what psychologists call negative self-talk. In this article we'll cover what negative self-talk really is, the most common types of negative self-talk (sometimes called Cognitive Distortions), and some strategies you can use to identify and start to change your own unhelpful negative self-talk.
Tom Nicol thought he had a problem with sleep. He could never get enough. He took "a very disciplined, stripped approach" to his routine. He drank water only at premeditated times, ate according to schedule, avoided caffeine, exercised (but not close to bedtime) and shut down all screens at 9pm.