For some of us, there may be a dislocation between our inner and outer worlds due to a difficult childhood. Childhoods that were disturbed and cruel, filled with shame and loneliness can color our view of the whole of life. We assume that things will always be as bad as they once were. The task of psychotherapy is to start to show us how powerfully and negatively biased our perceptions are, and that the adult realm actually contains far fewer demons than we thought and far more opportunity, solace, and forgiveness.

Childhood and Disrupted Views of Life

Many of us with a choppy inner life and probably a difficult past may quite unfairly tell ourselves when we run into the difficulties of life that this is going to be the end of everything. When a problem hits, we assume that death is clearly nigh, and there isn't going to be any safe way out of this debacle. But however counterintuitive this might sound, even in a pandemic, we may be exaggerating. Not every calamity is the end, and not every end needs to be a deluge.

Dealing with Calamities and the End of Everything

Many of us belong to a social group known as "warriors." We are prone to anxiety and fear on a range of issues pretty much all the time. However, psychotherapy can be a helpful tool in calming our fears. Through therapy, we can learn that none of our powerful fears is really any kind of reflection on what's likely to happen in the real world. We can start to make a distinction between our inner world and the outer world, recognizing that the first is often filled with terror and apprehension, while the second is far more benign, indifferent, and easygoing.

Overcoming Anxiety with Psychotherapy

At key moments in our lives, we may face harrowing events that threaten to upend everything we've carefully learned to believe in and that make a mockery of the soothing voices we've come to trust. In confusion and bitterness, we may turn against therapy and its naive view of reality and cry bitterly. However, once we've endured the initial panic, we can insist that this need be nothing of the sort. We can strive for wisdom despite or even in the midst of the most awful external eventualities.

Facing Harrowing Events and Resilience

Psychotherapy does not promise us that nothing will ever go wrong in our lives again. It can't remove intractable evils. What it can do, however, is teach us a variety of mental maneuvers that will render those evils, death among them, a great deal less painful and persecutory than they would otherwise have been. There are better and worse ways to endure the afflictions we cannot avoid. There are ways of interpreting disasters that add a whole new layer of pain and fear to them and others that, while they don't magic away the chaos, at least remove its secondary aggravating characteristics.

Wisdom in the Midst of Chaos

The outer world can be bad, very bad. And still, the inner world can be making it worse, maybe adding yet more fear, yet more dread, and more of a sense of doom than would be strictly necessary. Some of us will have enjoyed the blessing of that essential figure of early childhood, the soothing adult. When our toy broke, and it seemed it was a misery beyond compare, a kindly adult came, took us in their arms and said, "I know, I know," and held us so tightly until our tears abated. And then, in a calm and loving voice, they plotted with us how we might repair things.

The Inner World and the Outer World

It is an essential ingredient for a happy and successful life. It helps us stay strong in the face of adversity, maintain a positive outlook, and bounce back from setbacks. By developing and strengthening our resilience, we can improve our mental health, increase our chances of success, and lead more fulfilling lives. It allows us to bounce back from adversity and continue to move forward with a sense of purpose and determination. Resilience can be developed and strengthened through various practices such as mindfulness, meditation, positive self-talk, and social support.

Resilience is the Key

We all experience anxiety and fear at some point in our lives, especially during difficult times. Sometimes these emotions can be overwhelming and debilitating, but there are ways to calm ourselves down and find wisdom amidst the chaos. Psychotherapy is one such option, which can help us understand why we have certain biases and how to reframe our perceptions. However, even with therapy, we may still face difficult events that test our emotional resilience. In such situations, we must learn to interpret the events in ways that do not add to our fear and dread.

Emotional maturity isn't just something we can achieve in the good times. It's a quality that can accompany us through the deepest crises. A key idea to keep in mind is that it isn't chiefly what happens to us that affects our lives, it's how we learn to think about what has happened - and that, fortunately, is very much within our control. Sign up to our mailing list to receive 10% off your first order with us: https://r1.dotdigital-pages.com/p/6TU0-63X/hellotsol If you want to keep working on your mental well-being and self-understanding, download our hugely helpful new app now: https://bit.ly/3uyXqG1 For information on The School of Life’s learning and wellbeing solutions for businesses, including workshops and talks, visit https://bit.ly/3ICqvGw Email business@theschooloflife.com or join our monthly business newsletter: https://bit.ly/3ICEJHq Join this channel to get access to exclusive members perks: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7IcJI8PUf5Z3zKxnZvTBog/join For books and more from The School of Life, visit our online shop: https://bit.ly/2JNLI2S Our website has therapy, articles and products to help you lead a more fulfilled life: https://bit.ly/2RgGUak FURTHER READING You can read more on this and other subjects on our blog, here: https://bit.ly/3e6CufV “Some of us belong to a social group politely known as ‘worriers.’ That is, we are close to panic on a range of issues pretty much all the time. We worry that the scratch on our knee will turn cancerous, that we’ll catch a deadly disease from touching the hotel door, that all our savings might disappear in a random economic disaster and that our enemies could spread rumours that will forever disgrace and demean us…” MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE Visit us in person at our London HQ: https://bit.ly/2JNhZaj Watch more films on SELF in our playlist: http://bit.ly/TSOLself You can submit translations and transcripts on all of our videos here: https://www.youtube.com/timedtext_cs_panel?c=UC7IcJI8PUf5Z3zKxnZvTBog&tab=2 Find out how more here: https://support.google.com/youtube/answer/6054623?hl=en-GB SOCIAL MEDIA Feel free to follow us at the links below: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theschooloflifelondon/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheSchoolOfLife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theschooloflifelondon/ CREDITS Produced in collaboration with: Damn Fine Media https://www.damnfinemedia.co.uk/ Title animation produced in collaboration with Vale Productions https://www.valeproductions.co.uk/

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Emotional maturity isn't just something we can achieve in the good times. It's a quality that can accompany us through the deepest crises.  A key idea to keep in mind is that it isn't chiefly what happens to us that affects our lives, it's how we learn to think about what has happened - and that, fortunately, is very much within our control.
 Sign up to our mailing list to receive 10% off your first order with us: https://r1.dotdigital-pages.com/p/6TU0-63X/hellotsol
If you want to keep working on your mental well-being and self-understanding, download our hugely helpful new app now: https://bit.ly/3uyXqG1
For information on The School of Life’s learning and wellbeing solutions for businesses, including workshops and talks, visit https://bit.ly/3ICqvGw  
Email business@theschooloflife.com or join our monthly business newsletter: https://bit.ly/3ICEJHq 
Join this channel to get access to exclusive members perks:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7IcJI8PUf5Z3zKxnZvTBog/join
For books and more from The School of Life, visit our online shop: https://bit.ly/2JNLI2S
Our website has therapy, articles and products to help you lead a more fulfilled life: https://bit.ly/2RgGUak


FURTHER READING

You can read more on this and other subjects on our blog, here: https://bit.ly/3e6CufV

“Some of us belong to a social group politely known as ‘worriers.’ That is, we are close to panic on a range of issues pretty much all the time. We worry that the scratch on our knee will turn cancerous, that we’ll catch a deadly disease from touching the hotel door, that all our savings might disappear in a random economic disaster and that our enemies could spread rumours that will forever disgrace and demean us…”


MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE

Visit us in person at our London HQ: https://bit.ly/2JNhZaj

Watch more films on SELF in our playlist: 
http://bit.ly/TSOLself

You can submit translations and transcripts on all of our videos here: https://www.youtube.com/timedtext_cs_panel?c=UC7IcJI8PUf5Z3zKxnZvTBog&tab=2 
Find out how more here: https://support.google.com/youtube/answer/6054623?hl=en-GB 


SOCIAL MEDIA

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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theschooloflifelondon/  
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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:
 
Damn Fine Media
https://www.damnfinemedia.co.uk/
 
Title animation produced in collaboration with

Vale Productions
https://www.valeproductions.co.uk/

We're interested in self-understanding, calm and emotional maturity.

We have thousands of articles about emotional life for you on our website: www.theschooloflife.com

We offer online psychotherapy: www.theschooloflife.com/therapy

We publish one film a week, on Wednesdays at 14.00hrs GMT.