Just like we humans crave order and certainty, we also crave control. We're obsessed with the idea that, with enough effort and perseverance, we can do or achieve anything.

Of course, most people who get stuck ruminating endlessly on past mistakes and failures don't actually belief that they can change the past. Instead, ruminating about the past gives the them the illusion of control, however fleeting and temporary.

When you've done something bad or made a mistake in the past, you naturally feel guilt and regret. Chronic ruminators develop the unconscious habit of constantly replaying past mistakes because it briefly gives them a feeling of control. And feeling in control helps distract from feeling helpless - which is what we really are when it comes to past mistakes.

One of the reasons it's so easy to slip into habitually criticizing others is that it makes us feel good:

• When you point out to yourself that someone else is dumb, you're also implying that you're smart. And that feels good.
• When you criticize someone else for being naive, wh...