"Solving" emotions
We have trouble dealing with feelings because the usual problem-solving rules don't really apply to them.
When faced with a problem, we can always avoid it or deny it. But attempting to resist negative feelings won’t work. Any attempt at suppression only amplifies them. We must go from avoidance to acceptance.
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Resilience is most times associated with being tough. But that’s not gonna get you very far with feelings. Don't try to be invulnerable. Aim for flexibility instead.
You cannot avoid or resist all pain in life. But you can learn to live with your discomfort better.
- Consciously notice how you’re feeling and study it as a scientist would.
- Label the feeling. But don't identify with them. It’s a thing you’re experiencing, not what you are.
- Make space for your feelings in your mind. Remember that trying to suppress them will not work.
- Turn your attention to the world around you. This way, the relative importance of your feelings will shrink.
Most of the time we don’t second guess them, and even if we do, they often end up overwhelming us.
Negative feelings are very powerful and harder to question: we identify with them effortlessly. “I feel it, so it must be true” is often our default setting.
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