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Living With a Victim Complex

The Martyr Complex

Individuals who show signs of the Martyr Complex often act in a way that attracts misery. It is actually believed that they do this on purpose, in order to avoid personal responsibility or simply because they are drawn to 'masochism'

Moreover, psychologists have come to the conclusion that these persons tend to have or to have had an abusive or codependent relationship.

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Living With a Victim Complex

Living With a Victim Complex

https://www.thoughtco.com/victim-complex-4160276

thoughtco.com

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Key Ideas

The Martyr Complex

Individuals who show signs of the Martyr Complex often act in a way that attracts misery. It is actually believed that they do this on purpose, in order to avoid personal responsibility or simply because they are drawn to 'masochism'

Moreover, psychologists have come to the conclusion that these persons tend to have or to have had an abusive or codependent relationship.

Recognizing the "Victim"

A Victim Complex sufferer is a person who has difficulties when dealing with trauma, in any shape that this can take

Among the most common traits, we can often find the refusal to accept responsibility when handling their issues, the difficulty to move on from a tragic situation or a tendency to be both pessimistic and critical when talking about others.

Suffering from the Victim Complex

Persons who suffer from the Victim Complex tend to manipulate their partners, in order to hide their own lack of responsibility and maturity. 

Therefore, it is very often that these relationships end up after having become extremely tenuous.

Saving yourself from the Victim Complex

When dealing with the Victim Complex, most of the individuals tend to search for the solution in their partner. However, when not properly handled, actions taken by people who believe themselves as 'saviors' can actually do more harm than good. 

Therefore, as expected, the real help can only come from mental health care professionals, as this complex can prove extremely dangerous when not dealt with appropriately.

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Stop entering relationships

... that you know are doomed.  We should not be pursuing every relationship that comes our way, but only those relationships that have the potential to work.

Get curious about how you act

... when you’re in a relationship. Think about those four horsemen of the relationships apocalypse: criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling and how often do you exhibit any of them.

Try to observe your actions and strive to understand the reasons behind them.

Relationship as a partnership

It helps to view your relationship as a “work of art” that you two are co-creating together, in real-time.

The work-of-art mindset can help counter that pessimistic self-narrative. Instead, you get to stop thinking about yourself and what you’re gaining or losing in your relationship, and you get to start thinking about what you have to offer.

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Sabotaging behaviors
  • You are controlling and rigid in the way that others should treat you and are easily disappointed. 
  • You have issues with real intimacy. 
  • You tell yoursel...
Examine your history

This goes back to your childhood. 

For example: if you’re drawn to the excitement of meeting and starting a relationship with someone who has a lack of morals, character and is untrustworthy, try to find out about how your parents’ unhealthy habits have affected your choice in partners.

You are part of the problem

If you have a fear of abandonment and rejection and you are constantly ‘setting’ up scenarios that lead to your disappointment, you are the puppeteer controlling this. 

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Have enough sleep

Sleep deprivation causes us to be foggy-headed and unable to make good decisions in the short term. And in the long run, it has a slew of bad effects on our health.

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Exercise

Exercise gives us a rush of endorphins and gives a boost to our good mood.

Pull out your yoga mat, tie up your running shoes or pump some iron—whatever works for you and feels good for your body.

Drink enough water

Avoid getting dehydrated, especially when you drink a lot of coffee in the office. 


Bring a big mug and fill it at the water fountain, or bring a few big bottles of water with you to the office. Sip throughout the day, and you might notice you get fewer headaches!

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