Method For Handling HCPs - Deepstash
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Method For Handling HCPs

If you are in a situation where you cannot avoid a high conflict person, use the 4-step CARS method.

  • Connect with empathy, attention, and respect. With narcissists and antisocials, emphasize respect. With borderlines, focus on empathy.
  • Analyze alternatives or options. Always deal with the problem at hand by presenting them with choices. It gives them the illusion of control, which will reduce conflict.
  • Respond to misinformation or hostility by being brief, informative (only information, not defensiveness), friendly and firm.
  • Set limits on high-conflict behavior. You can't just say 'no' without backing it up with boundaries. Your limits should come from an external source outside your control. "I'd love to do that, but my boss/spouse just won't let me."

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People That Cause Grief

People That Cause Grief

We all know a few people that cause grief, not merely because they have a bad day but because they have severe problems and are unwilling to change.

We can learn enough to recognize if someone is a "high-conflict person" and avoid them as much as possible.

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Toxic People: Never Trigger Their Deepest Fears

  • Narcissistic HCPs fear disrespect. They act in such a way that people inevitably lose respect for them.
  • Borderline HCPs fear abandonment. They are a nonstop emotional that makes everyone run away from them.
  • Antisocial HCPs fear con...

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High-conflict people (HCP)

  1. Narcissistic HCPs: They may seem charming at first but think themselves to be superior. They insult, humiliate, mislead, and lack empathy while demanding respect and attention.
  2. Borderline HCPs: They start out friendly but can suddenly change into b...

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Identifying Toxic People: Emotions To Look For

  • Extreme emotions are signs of possible trouble: extreme charm, extreme love, extreme anger.
  • Someone that carefully controls their emotions until they lose it, then they become unrecognizable in their lack of control.
  • Other emotions...

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Behavior Patterns Of HCP

Everybody has bad days or weeks. To tell if someone is a High Conflict Person, we can look for four traits of behavior.

  1. Lots of all-or-nothing thinking: When problems arise, it is their solution or no solution. They don't compromise or listen to different points of v...

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How You'lll Most Likely Feel Around Toxic People

  • With Narcissistic HCPs: You may feel stupid or inadequate. You may feel in awe and flattered that the person is spending time with you.
  • With Borderline HCPs: You will want to yell at then to get them to stop behaving in some inappropriate way.

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Identifying Toxic People: Words To Look For

Each type of toxic people gives clues if you pay attention:

  • Narcissistic HCPs: Words that indicate arrogance, entitlement, and a lack of empathy.
  • Borderline HCPs: They have victim narratives. You’ll empathize with them because their life kee...

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