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Why Do I Hate Myself And How To Stop It?

Hating Ourselves

Hating Ourselves

"I hate myself" is a common self-talk. You really are your worst enemy, however painful this may feel.

Feelings of self-hatred and unworthiness are felt by a majority of people. Each of us has a critical inner voice filled with paranoia and suspicion. We tend to accept this self-talk and it influences our behaviour and self-esteem. These are self-destructive feelings.

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Why Do I Hate Myself And How To Stop It?

Why Do I Hate Myself And How To Stop It?

https://www.lifehack.org/874873/why-do-i-hate-myself

lifehack.org

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Key Ideas

Hating Ourselves

"I hate myself" is a common self-talk. You really are your worst enemy, however painful this may feel.

Feelings of self-hatred and unworthiness are felt by a majority of people. Each of us has a critical inner voice filled with paranoia and suspicion. We tend to accept this self-talk and it influences our behaviour and self-esteem. These are self-destructive feelings.

Effects of Self-Hatred

Self-hatred gives us negative thoughts, telling us we are unattractive, lack confidence, and are generally unworthy. If we listen to it, we give it power. We then create a negative shield around us and will have trouble accepting love and compassion.

The internal negative breeding will attract further negativity in our lives and relationships.

How To Stop Hating Yourself

  • Pay attention to your triggers by reflecting on your thoughts and actions, identifying your inner negative talk.
  • Question and challenge your negative thoughts, and detach from them.
  • Start saying positive affirmations to yourself to counter the negativity.
  • Reframe your negative thoughts by changing your point of view.
  • Spend time with positive people who fill you with joy.
  • Seek professional help as this may be a mental health issue.

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Replace The Bad With Some Good

Take a negative thought and change it to something encouraging that's also accurate. Repeat until you find yourself needing to do it less and less often. 

Notice And Stop That Thought

Simply stopping negative thoughts in their tracks can be helpful. This is known as "thought-stopping" and can take the form of snapping a rubber band on your wrist, visualizing a stop sign, or simply changing to another thought when a negative train of thought enters your mind.

Say It Out Loud

Telling a trusted friend what you're thinking about can often lead to support or a good laugh when the negative self-talk is ridiculous. Even saying some negative self-talk phrases under your breath can remind you how unreasonable and unrealistic they sound, and remind you to give yourself a break.

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Narrative Habits

The way we talk to ourselves about the events in our lives is subject to the same laws of learning and habit formation that physical behaviors are.

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If our thoughts determine how we feel, that means how we habitually think will determine how we habitually feel.

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It is a failure of imagination because we often only imagine and focus on the negative aspects.

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Stop reacting to life and start responding to it.

If you want to really change, you need to start reframing your mindset. You’re not in control of everything that happens to you, but y...

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“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.”

What mindset is

A mindset is a set of assumptions, methods, or notations that is so established that it creates a powerful incentive within you to continue to adopt or accept prior behaviours, choices, or tools.

It’s so powerful that it affects every decision-making process. It predetermines your responses and interpretations of situations.

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Self-sabotage
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Understand self-sabotage

Self-destructive behaviors can become habits and can continually undermine your success and happiness.

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Recognize self-sabotaging habits
  • Procrastination. Start setting deadlines and mini-deadlines to work toward your objective.
  • Negative self-talk/negative thinking. Be patient with yourself; be kind to yourself. Work to build yourself up.
  • Perfectionism. It is an impossible standard that keeps you from moving forward.

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Control What You Can

Chaos and uncertainty make us want to shut down and become disengaged.

The idea of staying calm and focusing on what you can control keeps us engaged and aimed towards a possible solution.

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Anger Is Good

Anger, surprisingly, can be constructive, an active ingredient to energize and motivate a person. It can be useful and powerful if channelled in the right way. The adrenalin that flows during a fit of anger can blind a person if not handled appropriately.

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Why You Self-Sabotage

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How You Self-Sabotage

Relationships:

  • You keep yourself isolated.
  • You make so many demands on your partner that he or she feels smothered and ends the relationship.
  • You judge everyone you meet as not being good enough for you.

Work:

  • You keep putting off looking for the kind of job you want.
  • You are able to work, and say you want to, but keep living off other means.
  • You stay in a job that you hate.
  • You keep yourself uneducated regarding doing what you really want to do.
Healing Your Self-Sabotaging Behavior
  • Notice self-judgments.
  • Shift your definition of your worth, from outcomes to effort. Decide that you will define your worth by the loving actions you take for yourself and others.
  • Consciously see mistakes and failure as stepping stones to success, rather than as definitions of your worth. 
  • Learn to be kind and compassionate toward your own feelings
  • Make a decision that you are willing to lose another person rather than lose yourself. 
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Talk Back

Talking back to your inner critic is an important part of taking away its power. 

Telling the critic you don’t want to hear what it has to say begins to give you a sense of choice in the matter. 

Separate The Critic From You

Self-criticism isn’t innate to us, it’s internalized based on outside influences, such as other people’s criticism, expectations, or standards. It’s a habit that can be unlearned or controlled.

One way to separate yourself from the self-criticism is to give it a name. Doing so, you better positioned to free yourself from its influence.

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Winston Churchill

"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity. An optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. ..."

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"I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it."

If you are unhappy

... you have 2 options:

  • You can complain about it and hope it magically changes.
  • You can set out to make a change.

If you are unhappy you owe it to yourself to make a change -- life is too short to delay any longer.

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