Supportive, long-term relationships

• Ghosting: Stopping communications suddenly and completely with someone you are dating, but no longer want to date. You cannot face the pain you will inflict, so you make it invisible by disappearing.
• Icing: Making up a reason to prolong the relationship. "I'm too busy." You want the person to hang on and be there if you change your mind.
• Simmering: Reducing the frequency of dates and communication. You know it isn't working, but you like the security of the relationship while you browse other options.
• Power parting: You know it isn't working and end the relationship conclusively. "This isn't working for me. Thank you for sharing your world. I enjoyed our time together and wish you all my best."

Ghosting, icing, and simmering are manifesting the decline of empathy in our society. This encourages selfishness in one party without regard to the consequences of others.

Try to end relationships respectfully and conclusively, even when they were short in duration. Act with kindness and integrity. This allows both parties to enter another relationship with a clear head rather than with insecurity.

• The first dynamic of an argument: you gather the information that reinforces your beliefs and neglect information that challenges them.
• The second dynamic: the negative attribution theory. If I’m treating you poorly, it’s because I had a bad day.
• The third dynamic: the negative escalation cycle. This is when we instigate from a person the very behavior we don’t want.

• "Holding: the absolute truth: We think that when we say something during a conflict, it is an absolute truth rather than a reflection of an experience. If I feel it, then it must be a fact.
• Using the words "always" and "never:" I always do all the work/You never help with the work. Nobody likes to be defined by someone else.
• Chronic criticism: It happens when you criticize so much that you leave the other person feeling like he can never do anything right.

• Make space for other people to vent aloud. They know that they are powerless, and they have to accept the situation. Venting gives them the illusion that they are in control.
• Have a little competition with your best complaints.
• Create a house chart of complaints where your kids can let out their own.
• Avoid complaining mistakes (such as: getting carried away by anger, firing too many complaints at a time or thinking that complaining alone will save us from our problems).

It happens when your loved one is physically present but has gone absent in all other ways from any sort of relationship.

One can see it when a partner is half-listening to you, distracted on social media, or when during a phone conversation, you can feel that your partner is lost somewhere, and is lagging in his/her response.

We used to love solitude when there was hustle-bustle on the streets, but now when the whole world is isolated and the streets are not as before, solitude feels stressful.

These times of crisis and loss have made our coping mechanism become extreme and unpredictable.

... requires a new mindset. Our lives are being redefined in front of our eyes, and this an opportunity to rebuild, reprioritize, reconnect, and even let go of some of the things that were holding us back long before the global crisis happened.

Many of us have lost our loved ones, jobs, human touch, safety and security, and many milestones of life. It is important to feel this misery, to experience the grief, as from this sadness and grief are what will help us accept reality, and provide us with the drive and energy to move forward. We cannot be stuck in denial any longer.

• We need to find out how much tolerance we have of people that are different from us, whether it is their looks, background or belief patterns.
• We also need to bust the myth that feeling really strongly about someone does not mean that one is right.
• There are various online resources available like podcasts and videos that can educate individuals willing to understand reality and broaden their mindset about social inequality, diversity, and social justice.

If we are learning for work, then in our brains learning equals work. So we think we have to do it during the day, at our workplace.

We think that walking is not learning. It’s ‘taking a break’. We instinctively believe that reading is learning. Having discussions about what you’ve read, however, is often not considered work, again it’s ‘taking a break’.

When mastering a subject, our brain has two general modes of thinking: focused and diffuse, both important in the learning process.

The focused mode is what we traditionally associate with learning. But we need time to process what we pick up, to get this new information integrated into our existing knowledge. We need time to make new connections. This is where the diffuse mode comes in.

• Self-oriented: when people are highly critical of themselves.
• Other-oriented: when people are highly critical of others.
• Socially-prescribed: when people think others expect them to be perfect and then pressure themselves to be perfect in order to meet those expectations.

• Competitive work environments: If you work in a culture that demands perfection, you’ll probably start demanding perfection.
• Pride and personality: Some persons have personalities that are naturally susceptible to perfectionism.
• Fear of failure: People identify with their failure. They will strive for perfection as self-preservation.

Until we fully release our emotions, they continue to affect our present mindset.

• Do anger work. Allow yourself to be fully disappointed, sad or depressed. Talk about it.
• Write a letter. Purging emotions out on paper give them a place to live outside of yourself.
• Talk to the person (if possible). This is only helpful if it is safe for you to speak with the person. It is usually not effective when you are angry or until you have processed your emotions significantly on your own.

Create new boundaries for yourself within the relationship.

This may mean you no longer see the person, end the relationship or establish new guidelines.