Self-sabotage and its causes
Studies revealed two main causes of self-sabotage:
- modeling: individuals tend to self-sabotage as they grew up seeing this in their parents' behavior
- power: persons may tend to self-sabotage by entering into relationships with people who are, one way or another, inferior to them
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Self-sabotage can be defined as the action through which you undermine your worth and goals. Even though you want something, you do actions that are contrary to achieving your target. There are mainly two types of self-sabotaging behaviors, as follows:
- conscious self-sabotage: you do the actions that will end up undermining your goals consciously.
- unconscious self-sabotage: you do actions that will end up undermining your goals without being aware of this.
Self-sabotage can appear in our lives under many shapes:
- procrastination: putting off what we should be doing now
- substance abuse: consuming alcohol and drug often leads to us not reaching our goals
- chronic lateness: this will usually result in you being perceived as a not so trustworthy person
- stress eating: we all know the end of this one- poor diet or even illness
- intimacy and commitment issues: the negative consequence refers to you ending up alone.
In order to stop the self-sabotage, have a look at the below four steps:
- get to know and understand why you feel the need to self-sabotage
- once you have identified that need, check out ways you can fill it without having to involve self-sabotage
- if you have already found the proper alternative, think about ways to identify and overcome possible obstacles
- build up tolerance when dealing with unpleasant feelings
- make sure you really know your values and goals
RELATED IDEAS
Relationships:
- You keep yourself isolated.
- You make so many demands on your partner that he or she feels smothered and ends the relationship.
- You judge everyone you meet as not being good enough for you.
Work:
- You keep putting off looking for the kind of job you want.
- You are able to work, and say you want to, but keep living off other means.
- You stay in a job that you hate.
- You keep yourself uneducated regarding doing what you really want to do.
- Use project to-do lists to outline every step involved in a particular project.
- Shrink relatively unimportant tasks to the bare minimum required for getting them done.
- Try “last things first.” Sometimes the typical final steps in a task are easier to start with than the typical first steps.
- Pretend you’re going to outsource a task and write the instructions you’d give someone else.
In every moment, we’re taking action that either moves us toward or away from the person we want to be and the life we want to have.
Consider how the actions you’re taking and the thoughts you’re thinking conflict with your happiness and hold you back from your true potential. Then look for ways to replace old patterns with new ones that are more helpful in achieving your goals.