The image of a "good friend" - Deepstash

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How to Be a Good Friend

The image of a "good friend"

The image of a "good friend"

Some of the reasons why we are not that good at friendships is the fact that we don't have a clear idea of what a really good friend might be like.

Maybe we should try to come up with a list of traits for an ideal friend, so as to focus our desires to acquire the sort of character we would want to find in others.

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How to Be a Good Friend

How to Be a Good Friend

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGinimRIl04

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Key Ideas

The image of a "good friend"

Some of the reasons why we are not that good at friendships is the fact that we don't have a clear idea of what a really good friend might be like.

Maybe we should try to come up with a list of traits for an ideal friend, so as to focus our desires to acquire the sort of character we would want to find in others.

The gift of vulnerability

Ideal friends know how to show weakness. They let us know awkward and embarrassing things about themselves.

They show how much they trust us by confessing mistakes and hardships that have the potential to open them up to possible humiliation from the world beyond.

Embracing and understanding imperfection

Ideals friends are genuinely interested in our hardships; they are not shocked by the odd and stupid things we've done.

They are not judgmental or critical of our weaknesses, because they are well aware of their own more troubled sides.

The gift of reassurance

Ideal friends are reassuring. They don't just flatter - they understand how easily we lose perspective, panic and underestimate our own abilities.

Sometimes, they get us to laugh at ourselves when we would be inclined to indulge in self-pity or rage.

Building self-understanding

A good friend helps us build our self-understanding.

Good friends listen to us and help us piece together the best accounts of our fears and excitements. Because there are so many things we don't entirely comprehend about who we are.

Good friends help us think

We sometimes don't quite know what we think until a good friend asks us to expand on a thought, to explain why we adhere to it and to find possible objections for it.

Good friends help us to like ourselves

They like us in ways we are not easily able to like ourselves.

Usually, we are more aware of our shortcomings than of our good parts. We need a friend because we are liable to be so very unfriendly towards ourselves.

SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

The People Pleaser
It's the person that feels that most of the time there is no other option but to adjust to the expectations of others, and yet harbors a lot of hidden resentment.
A Type Of Lie
People-pleasing is essentially a form of lying.

And we do it not to obtain some sort of advantage over someone, but because we deeply fear the annoyance and dissatisfaction of the people around us.

Origins Of People Pleasing
It is related to being around people (usually our parents) who seem to have a really hard time and even be unable to accept and forgive some odd but sometimes necessary facts about their child.

To survive, we decide to be responsive to what others expect us to do and be, leaving aside what we really want.

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Socrates

“Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm & constant.”

Socrates
Don't Gossip

Most of us want to be popular and resort to tactics like showing of and gossiping. The long term affects of being a gossip monger (losing trust and respect) outweigh any short term popularity you get.

Don't judge your friends

Most of our judgments towards our friends are wrong, and doing so leads to you being judged wrongly too.

Do not form opinions and pass judgments (not even mentally) and be happy to see your friendships blossom.

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Close friendship

To be best friends, you are committed to always be on standby. It's not that hard to be there for someone when you can physically be there, but when you're separated by state or time zone, ...

Keep creating shared experiences

When you see a friend regularly, you develop a collection of shared memories. You will also have an intimate understanding of what they're up to generally. If you're separated long-term, those experiences will shrink.

It's important to create something you share with the other individual, not just exchanging information about past experiences. The more opportunities you give yourself to connect, the more organically you'll get to know your friend's new life.

It's going to take more effort

The idea that you can sustain a friendship and pick up right where you left off after long stretches of silence is a myth. A relationship grows stronger through nurturing.
Although long-distance hacks can work for a time, there's no replacement for in-person interaction. It's more expensive and more of a hassle, but it's the best way to recharge a long-distance friendship.

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Letters Of Complaint

Be polite. The person who gets your letter will seldom be the one who wronged you. And is unlikely to pass it on to the desired recipient if you are insulting and raging.

Make plain...

Letters To Friends

Always remember that your job, writing to a friend, is to entertain. That can mean revelling in the odd pratfall. So, don’t just write about the mundane and pleasant things, try to give them the whole picture and make them feel something.

Letters Of Condolence
  • You are extending respect and friendship. Write quickly, and preferably by hand.
  • You’ll want to calibrate what you write to your relationship both with the recipient and with the deceased. Make it personal.
  • If you knew the deceased well, sharing a couple of warm memories will let the recipient feel there’s a shared bond.
  • If you didn’t know the deceased, you can make respectful reference to what you knew of them.
  • Use tact. Don’t tell the recipient how they should be feeling.
  • If you’re finding it hard to know what to say, you can acknowledge that; but don’t harp on it.
  • Avoid operatic, or competitive, expressions of grief.
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  • Focus on the individual excellence of the deceased rather than the consequences of the loss itself.
  • Be tactful of their religion even if you don’t believe in it. 

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How to Say No to Anyone
  1. Say it fast and do not leave that person hanging.
  2. Explain the reason briefly.
  3. Propose an alternative way on helping that person.
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Understand why some friends stay for years, while others fade away after a few months, or weeks. 

If you understand the nature of the friendship you have with a person, you can better...

Simple Friendships
  • Associate:  The relationship revolves around that specific thing, and you barely ever talk about anything else.
  • Useful Contact: With this type of friend, you exchange useful information, job opportunities, industry news, you introduce each other to people, exchange tips on good deals, etc. But, you don’t discuss personal matters with each other.
  • Favor Friend: This the type of friendship you could have with a nice colleague or neighbor. You help each other with the simple stuff.
  • Fun Friend: This is the type of friend that makes you take yourself less seriously. The friendship doesn’t require a lot of investment from you; it’s just about relaxing, having a drink, partying, laughing, etc. 
  • Helpmate
    This is like having two simple friendships in one; you socialize with this person, and you help each other as well. 

    This one you can ask for lifts to the airport, and call during emergencies like car accidents. You don’t rely on your helpmate for emotional support.

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    A recent study showed that men overestimate how good-looking they are to women. Women, on the other hand, think they are less attractive to men, which is not the case.

    People who think they are highly attractive may incorrectly assume that the other person is sexually interested in them.

    Taking The Lead

    Men look for signs or attraction more than women do, like it has always been. Men initiate the love and take the lead, deciding to move out of a platonic relationship faster than women.

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