People Pleasing And Boundaries - Deepstash

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Do You Have a Fear of Disappointing Others? How to Conquer It for Good

People Pleasing And Boundaries

We may want to make people happy but that does not mean we let them mistake our kindness for weakness.

People can take advantage of a person always wanting to please others. Learn to say No and take control of your lives.

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Fear of abandonment
Fear of abandonment

Some people will pursue multiple relationships simultaneously because of a fear of abandonment.

They want to have a backup relationship in case something goes wrong, but in doing so, they are putting their relationship at risk, living a lie, and not dealing with their fear of abandonment in a healthy way.

Signs of the fear of abandonment
  • You feel jealous often.
  • You go overboard in the relationship.
  • You have thoughts about their partner or spouse leaving you.
  • You demand an unrealistic portion of time with your significant other.
  • You have difficulty in trusting their partner or spouse and are controlling.
  • You always look out for the next relationship or significant other to replace the one most recently lost.
  • You feel unworthy, less than or unworthy of love.
  • You have lower self-esteem/ self-confidence.
  • You end relationships before the other person can.
  • You stay in unhealthy or abusive relationships because of the fear of being abandoned or alone.
  • You will pursue relationships with people who are emotionally unavailable.
The reason behind the fear of abandonment

Generally, people who have a fear of abandonment feel they are not worthy of being loved.

When a child is attached to someone, and the person leaves them, they are left feeling that they were not fully loved. Even though this is likely not the truth, the child will wonder what made them unlovable. As an adult, they may still feel there is something about them that makes them not worthy. They often believe they should control things so that the person doesn't leave them.

Identify must-have goals

Try imagining yourself when you are 80 years old, nearing the end of your life. Look back on your life as if you had not achieved the goal you are after at this moment in your life. What are your regrets? What do you wish you had made more time for? Is there sadness and regret?  

Excuses=Emotional Safety

We make excuses and push aside our dreams. There’s just not enough time, money, etc.) And we start to hide behind those excuses. They’re safe. By becoming more cognizant of your brain’s tendency for using excuses, the better you will become at dismissing them.

Success is Adopting a Growth Mindset
People often give up on what they want because they believe that reaching their goal is beyond their abilities. But successful people, when faced with a setback, try harder. They adapt and adopt a new strategy.
The new buzzword

The "pursuit of joy" seems to be the new buzzword to counter the fear of missing out phenomenon.

What brings you joy? Joy is pared with cleaning up our cluttered lives: from household clutter to life clutter.

Life clutter builds up

We are constantly invited to do something, think something, experience something or buy something.

For every social event or task we say yes to, we run the risk of overfilling our lives. It may leave us feeling overstretched, overtired and overwhelmed.

Inability to say "no"

There is often an underlying fear that prevents us from saying no. Perhaps we fear that we are not good enough. We find the compulsive "yes" might help us feel better. However, we cannot continue living at this pace.

We need to ask ourselves why we continue to do the very things that make us unhappy. Self-restraint and missing out are vital for our well-being.