If one’s goal is to please everyone, the road then leads directly to failure and disappointment. Even if we are absolutely right, it is a subjective figure in the eyes of others, due to everyone having a different set of values. 
Other people, including friends, family and strangers have diverse ideas about what is right or wrong, and nobody can perfectly align with others. The fear of disappointing others can be a powerful negative emotion, that can be a cause of worry for our mental health.

The Fear Of Disappointing Others

Love & Relationships

Our comfort zone stands in the way of our growth and learning. The only way to conquer fear is to push yourself into uncomfortable situations.
Even small tasks that make you uncomfortable gets the momentum going towards bigger challenges.

Comfort Stands In The Way of Growth

Our fear of disappointing others could just be something created because of our childhood, past relationships or some traumatic experience in our lives. 
How we react tells us about who we are.

The Fear of Disappointing Others And Past Trauma

The Attachment theory claims we have different ways of behaving with regards to commitment and intimacy, and this is related largely to our upbringing and life experiences. 
One can know the various attachment styles and see where they fit into, having a better understanding of their reactions towards others.

Understanding How We Relate To Others

We may want to make people happy but that does not mean we let them mistake our kindness for weakness. 
People can take advantage of a person always wanting to please others. Learn to say No and take control of your lives.

People Pleasing And Boundaries

We fear others' reactions as if others are going to be disappointed by us on a personal level. The disappointment need not be taken personally as the other person may be upset at the situation or towards the outside world, and how their plan did not work out.
Do not over-analyse the situation, and base your actions on your core values.

Don’t Take Disappointment Personally

The fear of disappointing others can be scary and overwhelming, so learn how to conquer it through these 6 steps and regain joy in life.

Love & Family

It’s completely normal to care and worry, but once we allow the fear of disappointing others to take over, we’re simply hitting our own head against the wall. Somewhere along the way, society seems to have glorified this feeling to be something positive as it means you care, but the fear of disappointing others can be a powerful negative emotion that can eat away from your own happiness. This article takes you through 6 steps that will help you conquer the fear of disappointing others.

1. Accept You’ll Never Be Enough (In the Eyes of Others)

This may sound harsh, but it’s important to remember that if your goal is to please everyone – then you’re setting yourself up to fail. Even if you act exactly (how you think is) right, there will always be people with different perspectives and views on how things should be. The idea that you can please everyone is unfortunately delusional, because it’s simply impossible.

Strangers, family, and friends all have different ideas about what’s wrong or right. Their idea of good behavior might be somewhat close to each other, or really really far away from each other – in the end it doesn’t matter, because they will never completely align with each other which means you will always fail and disappoint someone.

Mark Manson explains our differences as humans like this:[1] ”The questions is not whether we evaluate ourselves against others; rather, the question is by what stand do we measure ourselves.”<a dir="ltr" href="https://markmanson.net/">  </a> So, to sum up this theory: We measure everything from success to happiness (and in this case what’s wrong or right) completely different. We have different values, which means we measure things according to own (different) metrics. We like the idea of<a dir="ltr" href="https://www.lifehack.org/698462/perfectionism-is-holding-you-back">perfection, </a>but as soon as we realize we’re most definitely not anywhere near that, and we won’t ever be enough in everyone’s eyes, then you can start growing and letting go of the fear.

2. Really Push Yourself out of Your Comfort Zone

A comfort zone is nice and comfy, but it stands in the way of growth. We can’t ever move forward and go further, if we stand still – and that’s exactly what you do in your comfort zone. You’re standing still in a frozen moment that you’re familiar with and know all too well. Sometimes the only way to conquer fear is through pushing yourself into uncomfortable situations, but it can of course be extremely scary to push yourself out of your <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/10-ways-step-out-your-comfort-zone-and-enjoy-taking-risks.html">comfort zone </a>. Start out with something small. It can be a task that you’ve been putting off, because the whole idea of this scenario makes you feel uncomfortable. It can be anything from telling your partner something that’s been on your mind (but you’re afraid of their reaction or letting them down) to taking a fitness class that you feel you aren’t fit enough to take.

We all started out with baby steps once. Even when you just push yourself to do one little thing, you’ll be left with a big relief and feel much stronger, because nine out of ten times it’s never as scary or uncomfortable as we had imagined in our head. After you’ve felt how good it feels to conquer you fears – big or small – you’ll automatically want to challenge yourself more and more.

If you’re still wondering if it’s necessary to step out of your comfort zone, <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.lifehack.org/814949/youll-only-live-your-best-life-once-you-step-out">here’s the answer for you </a>. Sometimes we need to take a step back and take a look at ourselves. Why are your reaction like this? Where does your fear come from? Do you get anxious about it and why? It helps to take a deeper look. Therapy can be a great option if you want another (and professional) perspective, or you can try to go back and look at your past yourself. The fear of disappointing others is very normal, but it doesn’t mean that it’s not a trait in ourselves that has been created because of our childhood, a trauma, or past relationships. The way we react to others is often more about ourselves than them.

One example of our behavior towards others can be explained through the attachment theory:[2] ”The basic premise is that we’re not all the same when it comes to intimacy and commitment. Instead, we each have a relatively consistent ‘attachment style… This, the theory claims, is largely down to our upbringing. But it can also be influenced in later life by our adult relationships, seeing a psychologist or suffering trauma.”

One example of our behavior towards others can be explained through the attachment theory:[2] While this <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.lifehack.org/599716/attachment-theory-how-lacking-attachment-causes-addiction">attachment theory </a>takes premise in romantic relationships and how we react to intimacy and commitment, the theory is still very useful when you’re trying to understand why you have a fear of disappointing others around you. The attachment theory has different <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.lifehack.org/607677/identify-your-attachment-style-and-find-someone-who-fits-yours">attachment styles </a>that relates back to our upbringing. If you take a closer look at the different styles and how the types react in situations, it’s fairly easy to place yourself. This will help you get a better understanding of yourself, as well as why you react a certain way, and where this fear comes from.

It’s important to set up boundaries in your life, especially emotional boundaries. Don’t let people mistake your kindness for weakness. If you’re reading this, then you’re most likely interested in pleasing people around you. Which is definitely not a bad thing. You want to make people happy and you enjoy helping others, but if you’re always acting this way towards everyone, then you’ll come across people who’ll take advantage of it at one point.

5. Don’t Personalize People’s Reactions

Take a look at the different relationships in your life and learn to set up boundaries: <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/how-to-take-back-control-of-your-life.html">How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries </a> The reason why someone reacts or acts towards you in a certain way may often not even be about you. You may be fearful of saying no to someone, because you fear their reaction, but how do you know the reaction you’ll get it based on you and not other factors? Let’s say a person invites you to a party and you’re afraid of saying no, because it would disappoint them – how do you actually know this? Maybe you’re telling yourself that you know this person and therefore you know they’ll react negatively, or you’ve seen them react a certain way towards another person that said no, but maybe none of this had anything to do with you and whether or not you’re disappointing them.

The person might react angry or upset to the outside world simply because that’s how this person reacts to news that don’t align with their plan (but this doesn’t mean they think anything negatively about you). Or the person might seem upset, because they don’t want to jump up and down of joy after you just told them you weren’t showing up.

Jennice Vilhauer, Ph.D explains it like this:[3] “Personalization sounds like this: If I don’t get what I want it means I am not good enough and don’t deserve it. When you overly personalize a disappointment, you make it about who you are as a person and do not take into account the many situational factors that had nothing to do with you”.

Jennice Vilhauer, Ph.D explains it like this:[3] Don’t (over) analyze situations and personalize people’s reactions to your actions. Base your actions on your values and what you know. If you want to let go of the fear of disappointing others, then you need to figure out who you are exactly first. What are your values? What do you want to stand for? Are you acting accordingly to who you want to be – and if not – what can you do to change this? Our own <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.lifehack.org/569422/what-are-values-and-why-need-them-for-fulfilling-life">core values </a>are tricky to figure out completely. It takes time and it’s a never-ending process, because we (hopefully) don’t ever stop moving and growing. We change over time; we grow and so does our mind.

But if we don’t take the necessary time to get to know ourselves, revaluate our values, and understand what we want for ourselves, then we’ll fall into the pressure of what others think and we’ll get easily effected by their opinion of us. If you’d like to figure out your own values better, take a look at this article: <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.lifehack.org/623726/knowing-my-values-has-filled-up-the-long-existed-missing-gap-in-my-life">Knowing My Values Has Filled up the Long-Existed Missing Gap in My Life </a> Fear can be scary and overwhelming, so we need to be able to go back to our gut instinct and rely on that.

The more comfortable and good you feel about your own actions, the easier it will be to let go of the stress and fear of disappointing others. In the end, people may not be pleased with your actions – but this way you will be. Do you say yes so often that you realize you aren’t really happy about this, wondering how to say no to people? For years, I was a serial people pleaser. Known as someone who would step up, I would gladly make time especially when it came to volunteering for certain causes. I proudly carried this role all through grade school, college, even through law school. For years, I thought saying “no” meant I would disappoint a good friend or someone I respected.

But somewhere along the way, I noticed I wasn’t quite living my  life. Instead, I seem to have created a schedule that was a strange combination of meeting the expectations of others, what I thought I should  be doing, and some of what I actually wanted to do. The result? I had a packed schedule that left me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.

It took a long while but I learned the art of saying no. Saying ‘no’ meant I no longer catered fully to everyone else’s needs and could make more room for what I really wanted to do. Instead of cramming too much in, I chose to pursue what really mattered. I started to manage my time more around my own needs and interests. When that happened, I became a lot happier. And guess what? I hardly disappointed anyone.

When you learn the art of saying ‘no,’ you begin to look at the world differently. Rather than seeing all of the things you could or should be doing (and aren’t doing), you start to look at how to say yes to what’s important. In other words, you aren’t just reacting to what life throws at you. You seek the opportunities that move you to where you want to be. Successful people aren’t afraid to say no. Oprah Winfrey considered one of the most successful women in the world confessed that it was much later in life when she learned how to say no. Even after she had become internationally famous, she felt she had to say yes to virtually everything. It was only when she realized that after years of struggling with saying no, I finally got to this question: “What do I  want?”

Being able to say no also helps you <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.lifehack.org/874065/what-is-time-management">manage your time better </a>. Warren Buffett views no as essential to his success. He said, “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.” When I made ‘no’ a part of my toolbox, I drove more of my own success focusing on fewer things and doing them well. It’s no wonder a lot of us find it hard to say ‘no.’

From an early age, we are conditioned to say ‘yes.’ We said yes probably hundreds of time in order to graduate from high school and then get into college. We said yes to find work. We said yes get a promotion. We said yes to find love and then yes again to stay in a relationship. We said yes to find and keep friends.

We say yes because it feels better to help someone. We say yes because it can seem like the right thing to do. We say yes because we think that is key to success. And we say yes because the request might come from someone who is hard to resist like the boss. And that’s not all. The pressure to say yes doesn’t just come from others. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves. At work, we say yes because we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing more than we are. Outside of work, we say yes because we feel guilty we aren’t doing enough to spend time with family or friends.

The message no matter where we turn is nearly always, “You really could be doing more.” The result? When people ask us for our time, we are heavily conditioned to say yes. Deciding to <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/the-gentle-art-of-saying-no.html">add the word ‘no’ to your toolbox </a>is no small thing. Perhaps you already say ‘no’ but not as much as you would like. Maybe you have an instinct that if you were to learn the art of ‘no’ that you could finally create more time for things you care about. But let’s be honest, using the word ‘no’ doesn’t come easily for many people.

Let’s face it. It is hard to say no. Setting boundaries around your time especially you haven’t done it much in the past will feel awkward. Remember that you are the only one who understands the demands for your time. Think about it, who else knows about all of the demands on your time? No one. Only you are at the center of all of these requests. are the only one that understands what time you really have. When we decide not to do something, it means we can say yes to something else. You have a unique opportunity to decide how you spend your precious time.

Incorporating that little word ‘no’ into your life can be transformational. Turning some things down will mean you can open doors to what really matters. Here are some essential tips to learn the art of no: One of the biggest challenges to saying ‘no’ is a feeling of obligation. Do you feel you have a responsibility to say yes and worry that saying no reflect poorly on you? Ask yourself whether you truly have the duty to say yes. Check your assumptions or beliefs about whether you carry the responsibility to say yes. Turn it around and instead ask what duty you owe to yourself.

Do you have a <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/what-is-fomo-and-how-to-beat-it.html">fear of missing out </a>(FOMO)? FOMO can follow us around in so many ways. At work, we volunteer our time because we fear we won’t move ahead. In our personal lives, we agree to join the crowd because FOMO even while we ourselves aren’t enjoying the fun. Check in with yourself. Are you saying yes because of FOMO or because you really want to say yes? More often than not, running after fear doesn’t make us feel better. Do you dread the reaction you will get if you say no? Often, we say ‘yes’ because we worry about how others will respond or the consequences of saying no or because of the consequences. We may be afraid to disappoint others or think we will lose respect from others. We often forget how much we are disappointing ourselves along the way.

Keep in mind that saying ‘no’ can be exactly what is needed to send the right message that you have limited time. In the tips below, you will see how to communicate your no in a gentle and loving way. You might disappoint someone initially but drawing a boundary can bring you the freedom you need so that you can give freely of yourself when you truly want to.

Sometimes, when we are in the moment, we instinctively agree. The request might make sense at first. Or we typically have said yes to this request in the past. Give yourself a little time to reflect on whether you really have the time, or can do the task properly. You may decide the best option is to say ‘no.’ There is no harm in giving yourself the time to decide. When you are ready to tell someone no, communicate your decision clearly. The message can be open and honest to ensure the recipient that your reasons have to do with your limited time.

Resist the temptation not to respond or communicate all. But do not feel obligated to provide a lengthy account about why you are saying no. A clear communication with a short explanation is all that is needed. I have found it useful to tell people that I have many demands and need to be careful with how I allocate my time. I will sometimes say I really appreciate that they came to me and for them to check in again if the opportunity arises another time.

If you are under pressure to say yes but want to say no, you may want to consider downgrading a “yes” to a “yes but…” giving you an opportunity to condition your agreement to what works best for you. Sometimes, the condition can be to do the task but not in the time frame that was originally requested. Or perhaps you can do part of what has been asked. Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot where you might normally say yes.

Use the request as a fresh request to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself. If you are the one placing the demand on yourself, try to evaluate the demand as if it were coming from somewhere else. Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or, draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project but not by working all weekend. Or, tell someone in your family you can’t loan them money again because they never paid you back the last time. You’ll find yourself much happier.

Bite‑sized knowledge
to upgrade
your career

Do You Have a Fear of Disappointing Others? How to Conquer It for Good

The Fear Of Disappointing Others

Comfort Stands In The Way of Growth

The Fear of Disappointing Others And Past Trauma

Understanding How We Relate To Others

People Pleasing And Boundaries

Don’t Take Disappointment Personally

Do You Have Fear of Abandonment? (Signs and Ways to Overcome It)

How to Have a Good Family Life

How to Deal With the Fear of Failure

Bite‑sized knowledgeto upgradeyour career

Do You Have a Fear of Disappointing Others? How to Conquer It for Good

The Fear Of Disappointing Others

Comfort Stands In The Way of Growth

The Fear of Disappointing Others And Past Trauma

Understanding How We Relate To Others

People Pleasing And Boundaries

Don’t Take Disappointment Personally

Do You Have Fear of Abandonment? (Signs and Ways to Overcome It)

How to Have a Good Family Life

How to Deal With the Fear of Failure

Bite‑sized knowledge
to upgrade
your career