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Do You Have a Fear of Disappointing Others? How to Conquer It for Good
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The Fear Of Disappointing Others
If one’s goal is to please everyone, the road then leads directly to failure and disappointment. Even if we are absolutely right, it is a subjective figure in the eyes of others, due to everyone having a different set of values.
Other people, including friends, family and strangers have diverse ideas about what is right or wrong, and nobody can perfectly align with others. The fear of disappointing others can be a powerful negative emotion, that can be a cause of worry for our mental health.
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Comfort Stands In The Way of Growth
Our comfort zone stands in the way of our growth and learning. The only way to conquer fear is to push yourself into uncomfortable situations.
Even small tasks that make you uncomfortable gets the momentum going towards bigger challenges.
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The Fear of Disappointing Others And Past Trauma
Our fear of disappointing others could just be something created because of our childhood, past relationships or some traumatic experience in our lives.
How we react tells us about who we are.
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Understanding How We Relate To Others
The Attachment theory claims we have different ways of behaving with regards to commitment and intimacy, and this is related largely to our upbringing and life experiences.
One can know the various attachment styles and see where they fit into, having a better understanding of their reactions towards others.
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People Pleasing And Boundaries
We may want to make people happy but that does not mean we let them mistake our kindness for weakness.
People can take advantage of a person always wanting to please others. Learn to say No and take control of your lives.
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Don’t Take Disappointment Personally
We fear others' reactions as if others are going to be disappointed by us on a personal level. The disappointment need not be taken personally as the other person may be upset at the situation or towards the outside world, and how their plan did not work out.
Do not over-analyse the situation, and base your actions on your core values.
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Fear of abandonment
Some people will pursue multiple relationships simultaneously because of a fear of abandonment.
They want to have a backup relationship in case something goes wrong, but in doing so, they ...
Signs of the fear of abandonment
- You feel jealous often.
- You go overboard in the relationship.
- You have thoughts about their partner or spouse leaving you.
- You demand an unrealistic portion of time with your significant other.
- You have difficulty in trusting their partner or spouse and are controlling.
- You always look out for the next relationship or significant other to replace the one most recently lost.
- You feel unworthy, less than or unworthy of love.
- You have lower self-esteem/ self-confidence.
- You end relationships before the other person can.
- You stay in unhealthy or abusive relationships because of the fear of being abandoned or alone.
- You will pursue relationships with people who are emotionally unavailable.
The reason behind the fear of abandonment
Generally, people who have a fear of abandonment feel they are not worthy of being loved.
When a child is attached to someone, and the person leaves them, they are left feeling that they were not fully loved. Even though this is likely not the truth, the child will wonder what made them unlovable. As an adult, they may still feel there is something about them that makes them not worthy. They often believe they should control things so that the person doesn't leave them.
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Identify must-have goals
Try imagining yourself when you are 80 years old, nearing the end of your life. Look back on your life as if you had not achieved the goal you are after at this moment in your life. What ...
Excuses=Emotional Safety
We make excuses and push aside our dreams. There’s just not enough time, money, etc.) And we start to hide behind those excuses. They’re safe. By becoming more cognizant of your brain’s tendency for using excuses, the better you will become at dismissing them.
Success is Adopting a Growth Mindset
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Suffering from the fear of heights
People that have acrophobia have an irrational fear of heights. Many symptoms of acrophobia are shared with other anxiety disorders, such as shaking, sweating, a racing heart, diff...
Challenge your beliefs about heights
People with height phobias think something bad will happen when they are up high. But you are safer than you think and your feared outcome about heights won't really happen.
Ask yourself:
- What do you believe will happen when you expose yourself to your fear?
- How likely do you think it is that this would happen?
- What would be the outcome of it happening? (you might believe a tall building will collapse.)
Once you've answered the questions, start small with the thing you fear and see that the worst doesn't actually happen, or that it is not as bad as you feared.
The cause of acrophobia
- A traumatic or frightening event, such as falling off a ladder could cause a fear of heights because the distressing experience gets paired with heights in the person's memories.
- However, many people can't link their fear to a particular experience.
- Some people that fear heights did not have repeated safe exposure to heights.
- Finally, people with height phobia show subtle differences in their ability to maintain their balance, partly because they have more difficulty integrating perceptual information from their visual system.