How to Recognize (and Correct) Enabling Behavior
Enabling may accidentally happen when you are trying to help, but after an extended period, you realise that you are really helping.
It might be okay if it happened once, but if these "rescues" happen repeatedly, they don't get to learn from the cause-and-effect pattern of their behaviors.
This is a professional note extracted from an online article.
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Many people try to help a loved one make significant life changes but fail. They may try to help a spouse quit smoking or get a roommate out of an abusive relationship. They may feel that if they don't help, the person will come to ruin.
Instead of helping, they are engaged in enabling behaviors such as lying and covering for them or threatening to leave but not doing it.
It's easy to get frustrated when a loved one keeps damaging themselves. This frustration can make us guilt-tripping them. But shaming someone seldom works.
When it doesn't work, we may start to make excuses for them to explain their problem away. This won't help either.
We cannot control another person's behavior nor change it.
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When a child grows up in a dysfunctional home with unavailable parents, the child takes on the role of caretaker, learn to put the parents need first, and repress and disregard their own needs.
As the child becomes an adult, he or she repeats the same dynamic in their adult relationships.
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It is defined by the constant need to try and save people by solving their problems. You have this syndrome, if:
Trying to save the others might prove an extremely exhausting goal for the savior. Among the negative effects that this savior syndrome can have:
In order to overcome the savior complex:
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You can’t set good boundaries if you’re unsure of where your limits are.
Identify what you can permit and accept and what makes you feel uncomfortable or stressed.
There are two key feelings that are red flags that you are letting go of your boundaries.
With some people, maintaining healthy boundaries doesn’t require a direct and clear-cut dialogue.
There are other times you might need to be frank, such as with those who have a different personality or cultural background.
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