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Feeling Alone in a Relationship? You're not Alone

Loneliness And Loss Of Connection

Loneliness And Loss Of Connection

Loneliness is nothing new, but the last decade the feeling has expanded to alarming degrees. Loneliness used to mean being socially isolated, but now it means loss of connection, lack of trust, and mental isolation in between two people sitting next to each other.

The digital vortex offered by the smartphone, where we ‘doom scroll’ all the time, desperately trying to keep up with the avalanche of information and news, hasn’t made things easier.

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IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

Feeling Alone in a Relationship? You're not Alone

Feeling Alone in a Relationship? You're not Alone

https://estherperel.com/blog/feeling-alone-in-a-relationship-youre-not-alone

estherperel.com

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Key Ideas

Ambiguous Loss

It happens when your loved one is physically present but has gone absent in all other ways from any sort of relationship.

One can see it when a partner is half-listening to you, distracted on social media, or when during a phone conversation, you can feel that your partner is lost somewhere, and is lagging in his/her response.

Solitude In The Time Of Crisis

We used to love solitude when there was hustle-bustle on the streets, but now when the whole world is isolated and the streets are not as before, solitude feels stressful.

These times of crisis and loss have made our coping mechanism become extreme and unpredictable.

Feeling Alone In A Relationship

Relationship problems during a crisis have only exacerbated, as people live in different countries while being under the same roof.

The current times are such that people already prone to depression, anxiety and stress are being triggered easily, and may not be aware of the internal dynamics of this behaviour.

Feeling Alone In a Relationship: The Signs To Consider

  1. A partner feels they are not heard or are speaking even though the other person does not want to listen. They also feel they have to initiate every conversation.
  2. A partner cannot bear the other speaking and wants to make them stop, or is resisting conversations altogether.
  3. A lack of empathy.
  4. Defensiveness and criticism in a relationship.
  5. Ego coming in between every conversation.

Reconnection Between Partners

The path to reconnection is full of hard conversations with the ego kept aside. One can initiate discussions intentionally and set a time limit so that things do not go haywire.

When in a conversation deadlock, one can take a walk together, appreciating the willingness of the partner to engage. It helps to mention the positives and discuss one issue at a time.

Being a Good Listener In Relationships

  • Listening is key, and proper listening comes with inquisitiveness, attentiveness and curiosity, and not from simply waiting for the partner to stop.
  • If a partner stops talking, gently ask them to tell you more, while making them feel listened to and heard, with no competition or upstaging to massage your ego.
  • Keep asking your partner to open up more and more.
  • If the conversation is not possible, try texting or writing to each other.
  • Remember that it is not about you, and if your selfishness, narcissism or ego comes in between, the conversation is over.

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Difference between solitude and loneliness

We use the two terms interchangeably because we’ve been conditioned to think of them as the same state.

Loneliness is being alone — and not liking it. It’s a feeli...

Connected but alone

From the telegram to the phone to the mobile to the internet, all major cultural inventions have served the same purpose: to bring us closer together.

Today, we’ve reached peak hyper-connectivity. We can cross oceans at the touch of the button, speak to someone, anywhere, 24/7. And yet, statistics report that we’ve never felt so lonely. The technologies connecting us are isolating us.

The truth about loneliness

You can be surrounded by people, at a party, or in the office, and still feel lonely to your core.

And you can be alone, millions of miles away from any human contact, and still feel joyfully connected to the world.

It’s less about our circumstances, more about how we react to them.

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Being alone during a pandemic

Being alone and, therefore, forced to face our own thoughts, can prove rather disturbing. People need other people to feel well: being sociable is not anymore just a skill to develop, it is a mere ...

Enforced solitude and its advantages

The current pandemic has us facing one of our biggest fears: staying alone, dealing with our own emotions and thoughts. However, this situation has also a great deal of advantages. While in self-isolation, we can use this time to improve ourselves by discovering new hobbies or just developing skills we have already gathered, cultivating our mind through reading. In fewer words, we finally have the time to learn how to deal with ourselves. And this is always a good thing.

The wonders of a clear sense of purpose during isolation

As difficult as it may seem, self-isolation has its benefits. When spending your time alone, the key to handle this situation is to find a purpose in your suffering. In other words, focus on why your suffering is doing good to others as well as to yourself. Furthermore, the fact that you stick to a certain routine or that
everybody is doing the same thing provides you not only with a meaning, but also with a sense of belonging.

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