Directing Yourself

Instead of giving ready-made advice (which often sounds curt) to others on how they should manage a relationship, it is a better idea to direct yourself in your relationships, and lead by example.

When you become a better parent, partner, son or daughter, and focus on mending your own relationship with those around you, the positive effect starts to happen. The action of self-direction (towards improving yourself in the matters of relationships) is more potent than your lectures on your loved ones.

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How We End Up Managing Other People's Relationships

psychologytoday.com

TOPICS IN THIS IDEA

Love & Relationships

How to Ditch the Drama in Your Relationships

Christine Carter offers tips to avoid getting sucked into unnecessary conflict.

greatergood.berkeley.edu

Distracted by Drama

We can't deny that drama surrounds us everywhere we go. We can see it on social media or on television and despite of our best intentions to not get involved, we can't seem to avert our att...

The Karpman Drama Triangle

The Karpman Drama Triangle was developed in 1968 by psychologist Stephen Karpman in order to exhibit our dysfunctional behavior towards interpersonal drama.

He recognized the feelings of entertainment and addiction towards conflicts despite of its harmful effects to our mental health. There are three roles in a conflict:

The victim
The persecutor
The rescuer.

Dysfunctional Roles In A Relationship

The Victim: While they are not the actual victims, they are the ones who often feel oppressed and victimized. They are self-pitying and act helpless most of the time.
The Persecutor: Is made out to be controlling and critical by the victims. However, when we do take up this role we are often angry, rigid, and have feelings of superiority.
The Rescuer: They are known as the enablers; they don't actually help the victims because they keep the victims stuck in their roles.

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Nathaniel N.

@nat_nn28

How to Handle Other People's Anger Like a Pro

Dealing with other people's anger can be challenging, confusing, and sometimes terrifying-especially if it's someone we're close to like a spouse, parent, or co-worker. In this article, I'm going to teach you how to think about and handle other people's anger like a professional psychologist would.

nickwignall.com

Anger and Aggression

Anger: An emotion felt when we believe we have been wronged.
Aggression: is an act of expression of the anger, by our words our actions. Aggressio...

Validation and Boundaries

We can try and validate the anger felt by an individual by making them know that their anger is maybe justified while putting firm but respectful boundaries on their aggression.
We then need to be clear about what type of aggression we are willing to tolerate, setting boundaries on the unacceptable.
We may have to put our foot down and be ready to leave the conversation or escalate the issue, without falling into the trap of guilt and emotion.
If possible, we need to restart the conversation when things have cooled down, and diffuse the issue in a calm way.

Avoiding Speculative Self-Talk

Unchecked self-talk can easily turn into self-delusion. The stories we create almost always make you look like the good guy and cannot be termed as objective.

The way to get out of this speculative self-delusion is to avoid any speculation about other people's anger, at least initially.
Make sure to note down the facts of the situation. This can make the story less according to your gut instinct, and more towards the objective reality.

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