In Awkward Moments, Focus On The Others

In a way, depression is our way of reacting, withdrawing, and possibly metaphorically recharging our batteries.

There's so much pressure in modern society to perform and be productive, to be efficient, that we don't get time to recharge. This leads to sadness and loss of energy.

We should stop trying to adjust people to circumstances that are not worth being adjusted to. If people suffer from stress in an organization, try to look at how work is organized and change it, instead of referring them to something like stress coaching, or psychotherapies or mindfulness exercises that are really just treating symptoms.

These sensitive, intelligent, resourceful people should be out changing the world, not just sitting in therapy rooms trying to improve themselves.

If you’re working with someone who isn’t pulling their weight, the key to solving this issue is to not give them too many chances.

Explain to your coworker that the project is important to you, and you want to make sure you both see things the same way. Also, talk about your needs instead of their faults.

At a party or conference where small talk with someone nearby becomes awkward:

• excuse yourself to get a drink/coffee.
• say “It’s nice talking to you, but I have to talk to someone before they leave.”
• if your conversation is on the phone, end it by saying, “I’d love to catch up, but I have somewhere to be.” 

Our comfort zone stands in the way of our growth and learning. The only way to conquer fear is to push yourself into uncomfortable situations.

Even small tasks that make you uncomfortable gets the momentum going towards bigger challenges.

Our fear of disappointing others could just be something created because of our childhood, past relationships or some traumatic experience in our lives.

How we react tells us about who we are.

Unless it is completely uncalled for, negative feedback generally has the intention of informing us about our areas of improvement. If feedback isn’t provided, you may not grow and improve. If no one tells you that you are doing something wrong, you will keep doing it wrongly forever.

Providing timely feedback may be a sign that the manager cares and wants you to improve.

One should not be defensive when provided with negative feedback, and understand that it is for our own good.

One needs to act on the feedback by approaching it from a neutral and objective standpoint, not taking it as a personal attack. Instead of reacting, just pause and listen. Reflect on the feedback, giving yourself some time and space to respond with a level head.

Long-lasting, high-quality friendships lower the chance of chronic illnesses, and mortality rates. They boost one’s happiness and can also be a buffer towards anxiety, stress and even depression.

One can consider looking back and reconnect with a lost but cherished friend for emotional support or to relive the long-forgotten times.

• We need to ask ourselves if a certain friendship is even worth resuscitating, or if one of us has moved on to such an extent that we really don’t recognize the person any more.
• The circumstances of growing apart also matter. If it was betrayal or a falling out, the process of getting back may require reconciliation and may not be easy.
• People evolve due to the various life events that happen in the course of their lives, like medical issues, marriage, children or a divorce. It’s important to keep one’s guard up, as the person that one gets to meet after years might be a complete stranger in some ways.

For F.O.B.O. to happen, you have to have multiple options. It is mostly a consequence of our world in which everything seems possible.

To beat FOBO, find the Mostly Fine Decision. This is the outcome you’d be ok with, even if it’s not the absolute best possible one.

Psychological resilience is not about fake positivity and takes its power from our negative feelings. It makes our anger, sadness, failure and self-loathing into something useful and productive.

When we become sufficiently resilient, we are unstoppable and limitless.

Our focus on the self has made us fearful and overwhelmed, especially in times of crisis. Part of our anxiety is the constant focus on oneself. Even if we do focus on others, it is only to judge them about how they feel about us, and what they think about us.

If instead of our inner selfishness, we find a greater cause to endure the crisis or risk, some deeper purpose or mission that eclipses our ego, then the crisis is taken care of.

Self-sabotage can appear in our lives under many shapes:

• procrastination: putting off what we should be doing now
• substance abuse: consuming alcohol and drug often leads to us not reaching our goals
• chronic lateness: this will usually result in you being perceived as a not so trustworthy person
• stress eating: we all know the end of this one- poor diet or even illness
• intimacy and commitment issues: the negative consequence refers to you ending up alone.

Studies revealed two main causes of self-sabotage:

• modeling: individuals tend to self-sabotage as they grew up seeing this in their parents' behavior
• power: persons may tend to self-sabotage by entering into relationships with people who are, one way or another, inferior to them

The audience who are the decision-makers will not be sold just by the logic of your proposal and how much sense it makes - you have to package it in a way that is at the right level with your audience, in straightforward terms.

It also helps to ensure that the leaders who are listening to you feel smart.

While making the pitch to an audience, the personal trust the presenter has built with them is more important than the quality of the proposal.

While it is natural to focus on the content and assume that one’s ideas will be accepted based on merit, the person who comes across as trustworthy, thoughtful and having sound judgement is the one who is able to make the best deal.