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Why We Make Excuses
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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
10
Key Ideas
Shame is a universal experience. Shame enforces adherence to beneficial social norms.
Shaming is a tool and can be used for good or evil. We should use it when the outcome has a greater benefit for society, and when formal means of punishment have been exhausted. Shaming should ultimately lead to reform and reintegration and act as a deterrent against bad behavior.
Guilt is a private feeling of regret about something you did, and the discomfort leads to self-regulation regardless of exposure.
Shaming is about the possibility of being exposed to an audience.
Shaming can give the weak greater power. It can be used as a tool to encourage structural changes of institutions, organizations, and powerful individuals by exposing a transgressor to public disapproval.
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Key Ideas
Shame is that uncomfortable sensation we feel in our stomach when we realize our irrationality and cannot run away from the judging eye of other people. It usually happens when we violate the social norms that we and the community we live in, value.
Shame is a universal emotion, its affect on mental health and behaviour are not fully known, and new studies point out that it has a strong link with depression.
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Key Ideas
Identify the specific behavior that damaged you. Consider the person as a whole with positive and negative behaviors. The person is not the behavior, but the behavior is a part of that person.
If you feel safe communicating with the person who hurt you, talk about your feelings or write them to him.
Many of us have anxious and negative attachments to people who have hurt us in the form of anger, hate, resentment, irrational guilt or shame.
Removing the negative attachment through forgiveness will make you feel liberated and open you to the positive that life has to offer.