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Why We Make Excuses
Confronting Our Excuses
- Coming in terms with our shame and guilt and confronting the problem head on is a better way to correct our wrongdoing and learn from past errors.
- When we tolerate the sensation of public shame, we move towards accepting of our mistakes and learning from them.
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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
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Key Ideas
Shame
Shame is a universal experience. Shame enforces adherence to beneficial social norms.
Shaming is a tool and can be used for good or evil. We should use it when the outcome has a greater benefit for society, and when formal means of punishment have been exhausted. Shaming should ultimately lead to reform and reintegration and act as a deterrent against bad behavior.
Guilt vs shame
Guilt is a private feeling of regret about something you did, and the discomfort leads to self-regulation regardless of exposure.
Shaming is about the possibility of being exposed to an audience.
Effective shaming
Shaming can give the weak greater power. It can be used as a tool to encourage structural changes of institutions, organizations, and powerful individuals by exposing a transgressor to public disapproval.
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Key Ideas
Shame Affects Our Mental Health
Shame is that uncomfortable sensation we feel in our stomach when we realize our irrationality and cannot run away from the judging eye of other people. It usually happens when we violate the social norms that we and the community we live in, value.
Shame is a universal emotion, its affect on mental health and behaviour are not fully known, and new studies point out that it has a strong link with depression.
Women And Children Feel Shame More Intensely
- Women and adolescents are quick to feel the negative effects of shame, and dive into low self-esteem and depression at a much faster rate than men.
- Young people have a stronger ‘pull’ towards any kind of emotion, including shame, which is the reason for them being susceptible to severe depression.
- The propensity of shame decreases as we grow older, but elders again start to feel ashamed just as a young person, as they get self-conscious of their actions, appearance and bodily decline.
Shame And Guilt
- Guilt is related to shame but is easier to rectify, as we focus our attention on the other person and apologize, accepting responsibility.
- Shame is an inward emotion that makes us view our entire self in a bad light, with us getting punished by our conscience.
- Guilt is actually a positive emotion, showing our empathy and encouraging us to reverse the harm that we may have done.
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Key Ideas
Define who and what
Identify the specific behavior that damaged you. Consider the person as a whole with positive and negative behaviors. The person is not the behavior, but the behavior is a part of that person.
Let the feeling be felt
If you feel safe communicating with the person who hurt you, talk about your feelings or write them to him.
Forgiveness is good for you
Many of us have anxious and negative attachments to people who have hurt us in the form of anger, hate, resentment, irrational guilt or shame.
Removing the negative attachment through forgiveness will make you feel liberated and open you to the positive that life has to offer.